


Sanctuary for the Broken Ones

by Romiie_n



Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 36,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23069755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romiie_n/pseuds/Romiie_n
Summary: They decided that she was guilty based on the gossip that started on the CT floor. There wasn't a safe place for her. There was nowhere to hide from them.
Relationships: Ava Bekker/Matthew Casey, Past Ava Bekker/Connor Rhodes
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	1. The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> The story starts directly after Connor cut Ava in the OR.
> 
> Not following canon from the episode, where Ava got cut by the scalpel in OR (S4 Ep13).

She really thought that she got through him yesterday.

Judging by the looks she was receiving since she stepped through the doors to Med, that haven’t been the case. Getting from ED to the elevator has been a challenge on its own. At least she got a warm and sincere smile and greeting from Maggie and a distracted, but equally friendly, good morning from Will. And after the very awkward ride in the elevator where everyone pretended to look like they haven’t been talking about her just a second before they got in, she finally got to the familiar CT floor.

The breath she had been holding was released as soon as the elevator doors shut itself again behind her and separated her from the vultures inside who, no doubt, continued with their talk before she joined their elevator group.

Her hand nervously squeezed keys in her hand and the sharp pain that spiked through her palm instantly calmed her. This was her floor. She was the attending here, no matter what they were saying behind her back, she was competent and capable.

And they wouldn’t scare her off.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“I am very glad you invited me, Dr. Bekker. The size of this aorta is absolutely mesmerizing.”

She felt her lips turn upwards and her eyes crinkled when she answered.

“I knew you would appreciate it the second I saw it on the scan. The blood flow is amazing and the aortic walls-“

“-are almost translucent but still strong enough not to tear.” Dr. Latham shook his head with the same amazed disbelief in his eyes that appeared when they finally cracked the patient’s chest.

“That they are,” she agreed and turned her head to her assistant. “5-0 prolene, please.”

Once it was placed in her hand she turned back and nodded her thanks to her mentor when he moved the heart a bit so she could start on the sutures.  
“You want to stitch the other side, Dr. Latham?” she asked while she started her work, precise as ever.

“I believe it would be for the best if you’d stitch the whole area yourself, Dr. Bekker. For such a big heart, our patient has a very narrow chest cavity for me to move safely. Especially with the damage her lungs sustained from the accident.”

Ava nodded again in assent and briefly looked at the bruised face of the young woman. It was obvious from her features that she couldn’t have been more than twenty.

“That is exactly the reason why I don’t like motorcycles. At least the airbags in the car can are designed for some sort of protection, but this…” she sighed but ultimately turned back to the problem at hand.

“Indeed Dr. Bekker,” said her colleague and carefully moved his hand out of the way so she could get a better visual. “But even those are not 100 % safe.”

“If they would, we’d be out of job pretty soon,” was the quick response from the assistant on Ava’s left. The girl immediately focused back on the suction in her hand, afraid she overstepped, but Ava just smiled under her mask.

“Well, Dr. Kayne, I am confident that even with perfectly functioning airbags, there would have been something else to damage our hearts.”

“You could put that on T-Shirts,” suggested one of the scrub nurses with nonchalance. It elicited quiet chuckles in the OR.

Ava felt her smile dropping and she fought hard not to show how the comment hurt her. She had to get through this surgery than she could go to the roof to scream out her frustration. Or at least pace around there for a while to cool off.

“I don’t think anyone buys a shirt with a slogan that long,” she snarked and looked straight at the nurse who said it. “Scissors.”

She saw the annoyed look, but it was very brief and then she was forcefully given the instrument. Ava didn’t bother with thanks and immediately began clipping out imperfections.

“I have to agree with Dr. Bekker,” nodded Dr. Latham, oblivious as ever to the tense atmosphere in the OR. “Although your words have their wisdom it seems very…”

“…cheesy?”

“Corny?”

Dr. Latham shook his head at both ideas from their assistants, so Ava interjected.

“Inelegant?”

The Jewish man’s eyes lit up when he wasn’t confronted with, as Ava heard him put it, “youth gibberish”.

“Exactly, Dr. Bekker.”

Ava smiled when she slipped the last offending part of suture and turned to her left.

“Dr. Kayne – would you like to close her up?”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ava groaned at the stiffness in her neck as she moved it in a small circle. She used her fingers as well to ease the pressure in the muscles and moved her neck carefully from side to side again until it gave a satisfying crack.

With that she closed her locker and headed out of the doctor’s lounge. When she rounded the corner and saw the group waiting for the elevator, she hesitated for a second but eventually kept on walking. Biting back a sigh she acknowledged everyone with a nod of her head that was coldly reciprocated.

The elevator doors opened not even a second later for which she was extremely grateful. Everyone outside moved out of the way of the incomers and then slowly filled the tight space again. Ava tried to not look as uncomfortable as she felt herself being squished at the front of the cabin next to the controls.

The quiet was stressing her and she could feel the eyes on her so when the elevator finally stopped at the ground floor, she tried not to look to eager to get out. They were immediately swamped when they got out, as it seemed like almost everyone was heading to the cafeteria for lunch.

With a few quick strides she put distance between herself and the whole CT squad. The relief was unfortunately very brief as she stepped directly behind a bunch of nurses from ED. It was pretty clear they didn’t notice her as they didn’t bother with talking quietly.

“…and she cut herself in the OR.”

“That might’ve been an accident. I’ve nicked myself with a needle plenty of times.”

“Monique,” the dark-haired nurse sighed at her younger friend and continued like she had the wisdom of a World War veteran. “Do I need to repeat everything I just said for you to finally believe it? Don’t you trust Beth?”

“I do, I think. But I am just saying-“

“I want everyone to be a good person too, but it doesn’t work that way. It would have to be a really big coincidence and I don’t believe in that.”

“Yeah, Monique,” another nurse was quick to persuade their youngest. “I mean – a lot of women do crazy things for guys. And he is hot, so…”

Ava couldn’t be happier for her pager going off. She looked at the message and without looking at the nurses that immediately froze in place when they heard the sound behind them, powerwalked to the ED. But not without hearing the hesitant voice of the blonde nurse.

“Do you think she heard us?”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“What do you got, Maggie?” Ava plastered a smile on her face as she stopped in front of the nurse’s station.

The head nurse looked up distractedly from her notes and pager. Her eyes were confused when she approached Ava but still she smiled.

“I call for a CT consult expecting a resident and I got the attending?”

Her tone was playful and Ava was very careful not to let her smile falter, when her words triggered a memory of the time Connor used the almost exact words.

“Well, everyone’s having a lunch and you put a red dot there,” she pointed out. “So I figured it’s important enough.”

Maggie nodded with a smile and handed a nurse next to her the documents before motioning at Ava to follow her. She moved to the other side of the station and took the tablet Maggie handed to her.

“It’s Matt Casey. The Truck and Squad were bringing victims all morning from a fire at the Mall on 25th Avenue. Will and Ethan checked the firemen after them and the Captain’s heart was beating way too fast to be adrenaline induced.”

Ava nodded as she looked through the EKG and then back at Maggie.

“I take a look and do an angio if it didn’t go back to normal in the thirty minutes since Will checked him.”

“Thank you! He’s in 5,” Maggie called and rushed back to the front where a rather angry man demanded attention from the nurse Maggie ask to cover for her.

Ava put the tablet under her arm and walked to the examination room Maggie pointed out. She knocked and let herself in when the fireman lifted his head and nodded.  
He sat up straighter when she entered the room and she quickly looked him over. He was, as everyone in the ED, hooked up to the heart monitor, but there was no IV attached to him. That was a good sign.

“Hello Captain Casey, I am Dr. Bekker. Would you mind if I take a look at your heart?”

“Please, just Casey or Matt,” he answered with a small and tired smile. “And please do. I am ready to be discharged.”

Ava smiled at his admission and put the tablet down. She reached for her stethoscope as she approached him.

“I hope I won’t be forced to keep you here any longer. It says here you are not in pain or any discomfort, and that you do not feel dizzy or nauseous, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, that’s good. Do you mind lifting your shirt so I can listen to your heart?” she asked politely.

He fully sat up and rather than lifting he pulled his shirt off. Ava’s eyes immediately drifted to the bruise on his lower back.

“Does the bruising hurt?” she pointed out and put the stethoscope on.

He shook his head and moved his hands out of the way when she warmed the instrument before putting it on his chest.

As always, once her ears were enveloped in the quietness of the stethoscope, it was like her mind opened a library stored with every heartbeat she ever listened to. She felt herself focus on the one on hand, literally, and listened.

She moved the instrument two times, before putting it away and looking up. Her patient was calmly waiting but his eyes were a little bit anxious, so she smiled reassuringly.

“I don’t hear any abnormalities, nor is your heart elevated as it was when you were first looked over. I’d like to run the EKG for a few minutes, just to confirm it. If it stays as clear as it is now, I’ll bring the discharge papers.”

His shoulders lost the tension and his whole body relaxed at her words. She put the stethoscope back around her neck and rolled to the bed the EKG which she expertly hooked him up to. Once she let it run she turned to Casey.

“It would take about five to seven minutes. I need you to stay calm for the first few minutes so I can see you heart as relaxed as possible and then I am going to ask you a few questions to see how you do in a bit of a stress, alright?”

“I am all yours.”

She reciprocated his smile and they fell into comfortable silence. The only noises in the room were the heart monitor and the EKG running. Ava looked at her watches after few minutes and turned back to Matt. She picked up the tablet again and opened a random questionary.

“I’ll start with the easy ones. Can you tell me your name and date of birth?”

“Matthew Casey, born 2nd May 1987.”

“Okay. Name of your first pet?”

His eyebrows shot up and his voice was tinted with amusement when he answered.

“Captain Hook.”

Ava involuntarily snorted at that which elicited a smile from the fireman.

“Have you ever tried any drugs?”

“I smoked a pot once in high school. Ran around the neighborhood naked with a hockey stick. Worst day of my life.”

She nodded as serious as she could be with that information vividly planted at the forefront of her mind and put down the tablet. She waited before he met her eyes and then asked the last question.

“Favourite positon…”

His eyes widened at that as he seemed to choke on nothing, and Ava had to hold herself not to smirk.

“… in baseball?” she added graciously and stood up to stop the EKG.

“Pitcher,” was the answer and he was smiling. “I am pretty sure the EKG is really interesting at the end.”

“That was the point,” she told him kindly as she looked it over. “We need to see the heart in a few of its beats. My bet is always on the calm, amused and then downright   
embarrassing type of question to get it.”

“I can tell.”

She smiled as she turned back to him.

“Your EKG looks normal, but I would like you to come back in a few days, so we can run the test again, just in case.”

“Okay, I’ll make sure to get here.”

“Great. So I will bring you back your discharge papers,” she told him as she poured disinfection on her hands. She stopped at the entrance and looked back at him with her eyebrow lifted. “You can put your shirt back on in the meantime.”

He laughed heartily and she was glad he wasn’t offended or embarrassed. Ava closed the door behind her and walked to the nurse’s station where she started filing up the discharge materials. As she was typing on the tablet, she sensed a presence in front of her and with a sigh lifted her head.

Maggie was grinning at her from ear to ear, as she was leaning on the counter. Ava was glad that the ED was mostly empty.

“What?” she gave in grumpily when the nurse didn’t say a word.

“You seemed pretty chatty in there,” was the answer filled with amusement. “Casey is charming even when he’s not talking. I could tell Herrman and-“

“No,” she stopped her sternly and sighed. “Maggie, I have enough on my plate and I am not really ready to complicate my life with another guy. I was just being nice.”

“But-“

Ava looked up with her lips pursed and the head nurse sighed dramatically. The CT surgeon then signed the discharge and walked back to the room 5. Casey was already dressed and tying his shoes when she walked in.

She didn’t smile at him as much this time as she helped him take off the medical equipment. Then she handed him the tablet and an electronic pen.

“I need your signature here and then you’re free to go.”

“Thank you,” Casey said when he signed and handed her the tablet back.

She walked him to the ED and bite back a groan when they were immediately approached by Maggie and April, who came back from her lunch break.

“So, you’re cleared!” April stated when they reached the station.

“Yeah I am,” Casey answered warmly, and Ava busied herself with the tablet while trying not to feel like an intruder.

“And ready to jump right into another fire,” said Maggie and playfully glared at him before she glanced at Ava. “I might be calling you back in really soon – these guys are trouble around here.”

“Yeah, Matt. And it’s not every day you get the head of the CT herself to treat you!” added April.

“I am not a head of CT,” Ava frowned immediately but cleared her expression when she turned to Matt. “It’s more of a lottery on who comes to ED. The first person not in the OR and available consults.”

It was hard not to flee when she said it. Why did she bother him with her stupid explanations? She was groaning inside her head. But it was obvious that Matt was one of the nicest people she met as he only smiled at her.

“Well I obviously got lucky in that lottery,” he said, and Ava tried really hard not to roll her eyes as April and Maggie started gesturing wildly but quietly behind the fireman.

Fortunately, before she could open her mouth and make a more of a fool of herself or scare him off with her snark, his phone went off. He pulled it out of his pocket and his eyes were worried once again. But when he looked up at them, he still smiled.

“Like you said, Maggie – another fire to put down,” he said and turned to Ava. “Thank you for the check up and discharge.”

“Of course,” she smiled briefly as he quickly said goodbye and basically run from the hospital. They could all hear sound of sirens coming closer.

She didn’t try to run away and opened a file on her tablet, waiting. They didn’t even give her a second before they surrounded her.

“So?” April turned to her with a small smile.

“Like I told Maggie, nothing. He was my patient, I took care of him, end of story.”

“He didn’t seem like It was just that for him,” April didn’t relent.

Ava opened her mouth to answer, but the doors to the ED opened and the bunch of nurses, that were gossiping about her earlier entered. She felt her body stiffen and her expression close off. She logged out from the tablet and handed it over to Maggie who was looking at her with something akin to pity which Ava hated.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” Ava muttered to the both of them, and without looking back and ignoring the whispers that started again she walked to the cafeteria.


	2. Hopeful

Taking the subway was never a pleasant experience. Especially in the morning, when more than a half of the passengers were reeking of alcohol, vomit and in some cases, weed. Ava turned her head slightly more to the window, but it did almost nothing to calm her churning stomach at the smell.

Her inaudible sigh was lost to the blowing wind as the carriage raced under the city. As if to test how much she can handle, the lightbulb directly above her seat started to flicker. She would have loved nothing more than to close her eyes but was wary of the two men sitting on the other side of the carriage. They might be harmless, but they sure looked hangover and their eyes were rapidly scanning the crowd around them.

Clutching her backpack tighter to her chest, she felt relief wash over her, as the carriage slowed its course and she could finally get out. Even in such an early hour, there were many people rushing somewhere. Wistful thoughts about the peacefulness of Capetown flooded her mind as she was walking towards a hospital on a busy street and made her chest tighten with longing.

A loud horn brought her back to reality.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!”

“Then stop driving like an asshole!”

The driver flipped a middle finger at the lady he almost ran over, as she was collecting her things from the pavement while cursing under her breath. Ava’s feet immediately changed direction right to her and she knelt on the ground to help.

“Oh!” The woman’s face lit up a bit and she genuinely smiled at Ava. “Thank you!”

“No problem,” Ava retorted with a smile and handed the things to her.

“You’d be surprised! That’s like the first time someone actually stopped and helped me with something,” she frowned a bit and looked Ava over before her smile widened.   
“You’re not from around here, are you?”

Ava shook her head and the lady nodded like she knew it all along.

“Yep. Nice people are not born in America, apparently,” she sighed a little bit angrily.

“Not everyone here is terrible,” Ava disagreed, and her companion laughed while stuffing her things inside a large bag.

“You’re not here very long then,” she smirked and waved at someone in the distance. “But thanks for the help!”

Before Ava could reply, the woman ran off and jumped to the passenger seat of a car that honked at her. Shaking her head, the surgeon resumed her walk to Gaffney. But even though she tried really hard, she couldn’t get rid of the thoughts of home.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

And her day was apparently not getting any better. As she walked inside the ED, there were no signs of Maggie yet. Nor did she see April or Will. So she squared her shoulders and ignored the nurses whispering while making a beeline to doctor’s lounge.

Where Dr. Lanik was currently seated behind one of the monitors. He looked up as she opened the door, after a quick debate in her own head and admitting that he was the lesser evil there. She politely smiled as she entered.

“Good morning,” she greeted him and closed the door behind her.

“Morning, Dr. Bekker,” he replied and she was quite surprised that he really smiled at her.

She nodded at him and moved to the lockers that were there for the on-call doctors. Dr. Latham invited few of his colleagues to the CT for today, so her floor was full of doctors ready to operate. Ava was a bit ashamed of herself at how quickly she agreed to help out in the ED after her boss hesitantly admitted that all the OR’s were open to the doctors from five different hospitals and they were a bit overstaffed there.

Getting away from the people in CT, even if only for a day, sounded like heaven back then.

Now, acutely aware of Lanik’s eyes on her as she dropped her coat, she wasn’t so sure. Quickly stuffing her bag inside the locker and taking her clothes, Ava disappeared inside one of the changing rooms in the back and undressed herself.

She only got her pants on, when there was a knock on the door. She jumped and covered herself with both hands and the shirt she hasn’t quite managed to put on, before she realized that she locked the door and the person on the other side wasn’t trying to open the door.

“Yes?” she managed to call out as she quickly pulled the scrubs shirt on.

“I’m making coffee, you want some?”

Lanik. Of course.

“If you don’t mind…”

“No worries.”

She waited a while before she was sure he left and then exited the room. He didn’t seem to notice the uncomfortable tension as he handed her a cup of coffee and walked back to his work on the PC. Ava put the cup down for a second to put the clothes inside the locker, where she took her phone, a pen and a stethoscope before locking it.  
Then she grabbed the coffee, and when she realized he was watching her again she awkwardly raised the cup a bit.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

She smiled tightly before turning away from him. Yeah, she knew that tone. In fact, she was trying really hard to forget it.

Ava took a sip and begrudgingly had to admit that it was a really good coffee. It still didn’t do much for the nausea which made her think that she had another two hours before she has to take another round of the antiretrovirals.

She closed her eyes for a second, but immediately snapped them open when the door opened again. It was Connor and he headed straight to her. She felt her body straightening and tensing again but relaxed a fraction, as she noticed he didn’t seem like he wanted to yell at her this time around.

“Hey.”

He even sounded genuine. Ava smiled a bit, hopeful.

“Hello, Connor.”

“Uhm,” he hesitated and walked behind her. She had to bite her tongue to not move away. “How’s the hand?”

That made her bring the limb in question up and look at it.

“It’s much better,” she replied honestly, as she pulled it down his eyes tracking the movement. “The nausea from the meds though…”

His face fell slightly, and he nodded sympathetically. When he looked her over, she wasn’t feeling uncomfortable, as his gaze wasn’t intrusive like Lanik’s.

“It’s my fault,” she said lightly, even though her mind drifted off to the look on Beth’s face, when she was cut. “I should’ve moved my hand out of the way.”

“Yeah, well,” he shook his head and she clearly saw the guilt on his face. “Maybe I could’ve been more careful.”

She opened her mouth, but Connor looked behind her and frowned a bit. Ava turned her head as well and saw Lanik nonchalantly turning pages of the book next to him. Connor moved his head a bit motioning to her and she nodded and followed him away from the Chief of Trauma.

She was anxious about what he could say to her now, when they were basically alone. He still looked apologetic when he started to talk.

“Look, I am sorry that I haven’t been able to come by and check on you.”

Ava smiled bitterly. Did you not have time or were you wondering if I cut myself on purpose as Beth told apparently everyone in this hospital?  
But she wanted to be the better person here.

“It’s okay,” she said quietly. “I know we are not…”

Together. Couple.

Your girl…

“…in the best of places. Right now.”

He nodded and seemed to be as down as she felt, which warmed her a bit as well as made her feel guilty.

“Yeah,” he agreed, but before he could speak, the door opened again.

“Dr. Rhodes,” Gwen’s voice was sharp, she was obviously angry as she walked to the CT surgeons. “Once again, you are doing your best to ruin my day.”

Ava moved out of the way, feeling the start of a headache at the piercing voice of their COO. Turning to Connor, Ava whispered in what she hoped was reassuring voice of someone, who wasn’t going to listen in to the scolding of someone else.

“Maybe I should go.”

She was stopped by Garrett as soon as she said it.

“No, no. You stay Dr. Bekker. This concerns you too,” she clarified with a pointed glare at her. Connor looked confusedly at her, and Ava felt her heartbeat picking up.

Behind Gwen, she saw Lanik move and deeply prayed, that the COO would keep her voice down. But Gwen seemed to like humiliating the doctors in front of an audience.

“Two months ago, you operated on a gunshot victim, Shawn Corcoran,” she raised a brow at Connor.

“Yeah,” he agreed, and Gwen turned to Ava.

“And you assisted?”

Ava only nodded. She knew this was going to bite them in the ass. Thankfully, Gwen turned back to Connor so Ava could school her expression a bit.

“He died,” she said bluntly, to which Connor could only nod tightly.

Ava saw his jaw clench a bit. But Gwen continued.

“And someone is alleging that you brought him to the ICU with his abdomen left open when you should have closed him. And then, you lightened his anesthesia prematurely all contributing to his death.”

Ava couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and apparently her colleague felt the same way. She tried to ignore Lanik’s eyes that were boring into her and asked.

“Who made these allegations?”

“It was an anonymous complaint,” was the answer Gwen gave her before turning back to Connor.

Ava frowned and looked suspiciously at Lanik who turned his head back to his work.

“Unfortunately, the Hospital oversight committee is obliged to do a root cause analysis into the case,” the COO continued.

“You’ll both be interviewed.”

Connor nodded while Ava shook her head disbelievingly. Someone has been talking and she would have bet that Lanik knew something about it.

“Then what?” Connor asked and brought Ava back to the conversation.

Gwen hesitated a bit, but not because she was compassionate but mostly to show them, that she had a big say in this.

“Well… If the committee finds that the charges have merit, you Dr. Rhodes will be brought before Peer review board.”

Ava felt her heart stop for a second. This was not bad. This was a catastrophe waiting to happen.

“But hopefully that does not happen. Your hybrid OR has cost this hospital a fortune, but it has made for some good PR,” Gwen said as she stepped warningly closer to Connor. “The last thing I need, is a scandal involving its chief.”

With that she glared at both of them one last time before turning and exiting the room like she didn’t just put a sword above their heads. Ava swallowed and whispered urgently.

“Connor,” he turned slightly to her as she spoke. “Peer review? You could lose your license…”

She voiced her thoughts and stared at him in concern while he watched Gwen disappear into the elevator. He exhaled and his voice was detached.

“Yeah.”

Ava bit her lip and went to put a comforting hand on his shoulder as she done so many times in the past months but aborted the move when she realized that it was not her right to do so anymore. Much less in front of Lanik.

Connor hesitated as well when he saw her move and smiled tightly in her direction. The smile never reached his eyes.

“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,” he said softly, his voice taking a tone that he used around her before…

Before.

“Connor…,” she started, his attention solely on her, but they were interrupted by two pagers going off.

She picked it up immediately and saw in the corner of her eye Lanik doing the same. Ava looked up when she realized what it means.

“Multiple car crash, looks like we’re getting busy this morning. Bekker, you’re with me,” Lanik said as he stood up and then waved in Connor’s general direction without actually looking at him. “You should prepare your stage, Rhodes, it’s gonna get messy.”

With that he walked out to Maggie who appeared almost immediately and started giving orders not only to her, but to everyone around. Ava bit back a sigh and looked at Connor who nodded at her.

“I’ll catch you before the interviews.”

She nodded and ran out of the lounge just as the sound of sirens neared the hospital.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Incoming!”

“19-year old male, BP 80 over 60, GCS 7. Unresponsive. Went head-first into steering wheel, no airbags. Seatbelt crushed his sternum, possibly bleeding inside his chest cavity…”

Lanik pointed at the Hybrid room.

“Rhodes, that one’s yours.”

Connor nodded and Ava hastily moved out of his way as he took over the patient. The doors opened again at the same time Will and Ethan joined Ava. They all exchanged grave nods.

“26-year old female, BP 130 over 80. She’s in shock with visibly broken arm and contusions from airbags…”

“Dr. Halstead,” Lanik ordered and looked at Maggie who furiously tapped on her pager before deciding.

“You’re in 5.”

Will nodded and immediately went to the patient. Sylvie Brett then went through and her colleague performed CPR while they wheeled in.

“Choi!” Lanik barked out without hesitation at the sight.

“24-year old male, no seatbelt, went straight through windshield. Flatlined in the ambulance.”

“How long?”

“Less than three minutes.”

“Okay. Maggie?” Ethan turned to the head nurse.

“Take 4.”

They quickly disappeared there followed by two nurses. Ava was ready for her patient when Maggie’s pager went off. The surgeon turned to her and raised a brow.

“Last patient is still on the scene. She’s talking, but it’s possible that she’s bleeding inside.”

“Do we have an estimate time?” Ava asked and moved closer.

Maggie shook her head and looked back at the pager when it went off again.

“At least 45 minutes, her lower body is crushed by the car. A traffic light fell on it, they have to be careful because of the electricity.”

Ava nodded and turned to Lanik, but before she could speak, he already voiced her thoughts.

“Get your things and jump into the ambulance to get there. Try to keep her alive before they extricate her.”

“Got it.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Even with the sirens on, it was still a ten minute drive to the site of the accident. Ava jumped out of the ambulance as soon as they slowed enough to be safe to do that and took off running to the smoking car surrounded by firefighters.

One of the police officers, who was trying to keep the onlookers at bay, saw her and immediately yelled out.

“Make space, people! Doctor coming through!”

While Ava appreciated his effort, the crowd only turned around to look at her without moving an inch. She was glad that that some of them at least took a step back, and she was pretty sure that she nailed someone with her medical bag.

She ducked under the yellow police tape while still running. The firefighters, god bless them, moved out of her way immediately. Ava dropped her bag on the ground and moved to the woman stuck inside the car.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Bekker, I’m here to help-“

She stopped herself when the woman looked at her. Even though she was grimacing slightly, her eyes were relieved. She seemed to recognize her as well.

“Y-ou…”

“Don’t try to speak, please, the seatbelt must’ve sliced you in your neck,” Ava advised immediately and put her hand there to stop the blood flowing.

Ava turned her head to ask one of the firefighters for a gauze, but there was already someone handing it. She looked up at Casey and smiled slightly.

“Thank you.”

With that she turned back to the woman whose breathing got harsher. While putting pressure on the woman’s neck she quickly assessed her.

Her legs were bent at an awkward angle under the metal of the car. But her abdomen and chest were more concerning. One look at the destroyed dash confirmed Ava’s grim thoughts.

“I need you to move your head slightly from left to right,” she told her patient in calm voice and put both of her hands on the woman’s neck to support it, while she did as Ava asked. “Good. Now, can you try and move your hands for me, please?”

That took more effort and the woman grimaced again, but her hands rose. Ava took her left hand and put it on the gauze on the neck.

“Keep it here for me and try to concentrate on holding it there, okay? I’m going to get an IV for you.”

Ava waited for her patient to sluggishly nod before getting out of her crouched position half inside the car. She immediately went for her bag and turned to Casey.

“Can you move a bit faster? She is not looking good,” she whispered urgently so her patient won’t hear.

“We’re doing our best!” huffed one of the firefighters on her left that Ava recognized from another truck. Casey shot him a look before turning to Ava.

“We’ll split the pole and try to pull up the hood a bit so we can move her,” the captain said while he nodded to his men.

“Just do it quick, please,” Ava said and looked right at Casey, hoping that her tone was less harsh than her words.

His eyes were kind when he nodded before turning to the task at hand. Ava took her supplies and got into the car again. The woman’s breathing was even worse than before. Outside, they started to lift the traffic pole and Ava saw her patient panic a bit at the unexpected noise.

“They need to move everything out of the way, so we can get you out,” Ava explained and put a hand on the woman’s face to make her look away from what was happening in front of them.

“I do-don’t want… t’ die,” she rasped out.

“You are not-“

“Watch out!”

Ava barely had the time to react when strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist and pulled her out of the car. She heard her patient scream in horror and couldn’t contain the gasp as she painfully hit the ground before she was rolled over and covered by the man.

A crash sounded in the distance and she could feel a few electricity sparks hit one of her legs which made her instinctively jerk the limb. The body immediately rose up a bit, and she was met with worried blue eyes staring down at her.

“You okay?” Casey asked and she nodded.

He stood up and helped her to her feet as well. They both charged back to the car where the woman was screaming in terror and the firefighters gathered around couldn’t make her stop. Ava got to her and slapped her. She immediately stopped.

“I’m really sorry,” Ava offered and put the gauze that slipped from the woman’s grasp back to the wound. “There really was no other way.”

“Pull!”

“It’s moving.”

Ava looked outside and felt relief wash over her as it seemed like they were finally getting somewhere. Then a hand touched her shoulder and she turned around to Casey.

“Is she OK to move? We can get in and pull her out.”

“She is,” Ava nodded and moved out of the way.

The surgeon was a bit nervous as they got to work but noted with relief that the ambo was back again and both paramedics from 51 jumped out with a gurney. Turning back to the car, she saw the firefighters carefully lifting the woman out of the car.

Ava stepped closer and helped them situate the patient on a gurney that was rolled there.

“How’s she looking?” Brett asked and Ava grimaced as she watched the woman lose consciousness.

“Not good. She’s definitely bleeding inside, and her legs aren’t looking good either.”

They started walking to the ambulance while hooking the patient to the heart monitor, oxygen and inserting IV’s. Casey, Herrmann and Otis helped them get the gurney inside the ambo. Sylvie turned to Foster.

“Em, you driving?”

“Yep.”

And with that she jumped out and ran to the driver’s side. Herrmann and Otis got out as well, but Casey hesitated and brushed his palm against Ava’s left cheek, which surprised the doctor.

“You should get that checked out,” he said gently but with a serious undertone while he looked at her scraped cheekbone.

She only nodded, too tongue-tied to answer and then he was gone, closing the door and banging his fist against it. Ava grabbed instinctively something behind her so she wouldn’t fall when they started moving.

She was looking at his disappearing face for whole five seconds before mentally kicking herself to be a doctor again. Only then she broke their eye contact and turned to Brett to help the patient.


	3. No way to win

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready for Ava to have actually some background?!

“This isn’t good,” Ava said tightly to Sylvie, as she watched the EKG monitor in front of her. “Her heartbeat is erratic, but no pressure drops.”

The paramedic nodded as she grabbed intubation set while Ava dug around in her medical bag to find a needle. Just then the patient’s pressure started to drop.

“Well, you jinxed it,” muttered Sylvie as she fought to put the tube in. “She’s tense.”

“I’m giving her TPI,” Ava informed and quickly pushed the needle in the neck muscle, while being very careful not to hit the carotid artery.

Sylvie nodded in thanks as she was finally able to intubate and they both waited anxiously a second before the woman was stable. The CT surgeon still shook her head disapprovingly at the monitor to which she pointed.

“This doesn’t look good. The heart probably took damage as well – we’ve been giving her meds for the pain and blood flow, but it didn’t do much.”

“Agreed,” Sylvie nodded looking at the monitor as well while pushing on the Ambu bag. “She might go in V-fib if the strain won’t stop.”

Ava grimly nodded and looked outside and felt relieved when she saw that they were approaching Med. Both women got up from their seats and expertly moved around the ambulance to move out as quickly as possible.

Foster slammed the brakes and the ambulance halted. Immediately the staff was opening the doors and helping them wheel the patient in. Ava quickly searched the ER for the head nurse and started speaking as soon as Maggie appeared next to them.

“27-year old female, BP 86 over 50. She lost consciousness about eleven minutes ago. Intubated about two minutes ago. The dashboard crushed her legs and probably some of her internal organs. No ultrasound yet. I need an OR upstairs, immediately, and a CT assist.”

Maggie nodded and quickly tapped on her pager before announcing.

“In 3.”

The wheeled in next to the hospital bed and grabbed the patient.

“On my count – one, two, three!”

Everyone lifted the patient of the gurney and Ava noted that the patient didn’t stir. Not good. Then the surgeon turned to the paramedics.

“Thank you, we got it.”

“Good luck,” Sylvie wished them as they hurried out of the hospital back to the scene.

Ava nodded at one of the nurses that joined them as well.

“Take over the bagging, please. Give me an ultrasound and draw blood, she’s gonna need a transfusion.”

Everyone moved into action and Ava put the ultrasound probe immediately on the belly of the patient. She frowned and shook her head minutely at what she was seeing.

“She’s bleeding, but it might stop on its own, we’ll monitor that,” she put the probe away and moved to the patient’s chest while she put on a stethoscope.

“Ava, Dr. Latham left you OR 6. Dr. Kovalevsky can assist,” Maggie stepped inside.

“Tell them we’re on our way.”

“Got it. Your patient name is Jayne Rivers, her parents have been already contacted. Her brother Brett was wheeled in first.”

Ava cursed under her breath as they moved around before asking.

“Connor or Ethan?”

“Ethan.”

“Okay. We’re good – can you get us through?”

Maggie nodded and motioned them to follow her to the elevator where doctors and nurses scurried out of the way as Maggie yelled.

“Move, move! CT floor.”

One radiologist quickly pushed the right button and helped them inside before stepping out again. Ava’s stare was fixed on the young woman’s face as the door closed and the cabin started moving. Unmoving and pale, the woman looked so fragile.

Not at all like the fiery spirit that she met not even an hour ago.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“That was a very precise work.”

The heavy accented praise broken the silence as they washed their hands in the sink. Ava didn’t spare her colleague a look as she watched like a hawk as the staff wheeled Jayne out of the OR and straight to the ICU.

Her head was pounding.

“I can only imagine, why would the hospital’s top CT surgeon choose to leave her territory when she can show off to other surgeons who came from all around the world.”

Ava grimaced, not wanting to continue this conversation, turned off the water and faced the doctor next to her.

“You are the only one out of Dr. Latham’s colleagues who isn’t American,” she pointed out. “And you’re also working in Minnesota, so that was hardly a trip around the world for you.”

With that she moved to walk around him, but he turned the water off as well and straightened out. When he smiled, he looked genuine but there was still something hard and dangerous in his face. He noticed her tense posture and took a step back with his hands mildly raised.

“Obviously, that doesn’t mean the Russian blood disappears,” he tilted his head a bit and looked her straight in the eyes. “The same way you cannot forget about your own.”

She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

His smile turned softer while he nodded to the quiet and empty OR.

“You may not know our patient, but you know her story.”

“Are you really accusing me of being compassionate?” She raised her brow disbelievingly.

“No,” he shook his head and watched her intently. “I’m saying that you seemed to project your own history onto her.”

“I’m not-“

“And you are mad, that I am pointing it out to you, because you are well aware of this fact.”

Ava was speechless, so when the door opened, she felt the relief coursing through her at the interruption. Dr. Choi entered the room and abruptly stopped.

“Ava, I… oh, sorry.”

Ava shook her head and smiled lightly at Choi before turning to Dr. Kovalevsky who was watching her with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Thank you, for the assist,” she emphasized and saw his lips twitch upward. “Dr. Latham is probably waiting for you, Dr. Kovalevsky.”

The Russian took his phone and moved to the door.

“Thank you, Dr. Bekker. Dr. Choi.” And with that, he swiftly walked out.

“How’s your patient?” Ava turned to Ethan immediately before he could start questioning her as well.

She saw him falter and nodded with a heavy heart. Her eyes drifted to the hollow OR again. To the woman she fought to save, just to tell her, that someone very close to have not been that lucky.

“She’ll be up in a few hours,” Ava whispered quietly then and saw Ethan move closer to her.

“I’ll go with you,” he assured her in a calm voice but matched her volume. There was a second where they were just standing there before he continued. “Brett’s compatible with one of Nat’s patients.”

Ava sighed.

“Are their parents here?”

“Not yet.”

“We should talk to them first, when they arrive. Before taking them to see their daughter.”

Ethan frowned questioningly.

“He chose her be the one to decide in case anything happened to him.”

“Yeah,” Ava nodded and turned to face him. Her eyes had a faraway look in them. “But she just lost her brother. Either she’ll be in denial or angry. Or both. And before she decides what is the right thing to do, Brett’s organs will lose their viability. In a case like this, we’ll be backed by our legal department.”

Before he could answer, the door opened again, and Beth walked in. She looked at Ava with barely concealed disdain in her face. Ava could feel her headache intensifying.

“Dr. Bekker, they are expecting you to… testify.”

The fact that even Ethan’s eyes flashed angrily when he heard the scrub nurses’ tone aimed at his colleague forced Ava to intervene before the situation could escalate.

“Thank you.” She said to the scrub nurse who walked out without a backwards glance or any acknowledgement to her superior.

“Is she-“

Ava put her hand up tiredly and looked at Ethan pleadingly.

“Forget it.”

“Ava-“

But she wasn’t listening to him anymore, as she grabbed her phone and headed to the doctor’s lounge to retrieve her medical coat. It was time to save Connor’s career. She refused to let him down.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She was more than glad that Lanik seemed to be way too busy to engage in a conversation with her, so she easily slipped away from the ED. On her way to the hearing, it seemed even harder to ignore the looks sent her way, but Ava clenched her fists inside the pockets of her coat and relaxed only when she sat down in the hall to wait before they call her in.

Fumbling a bit with the bottle of pills she grabbed hastily with her coat, she took a deep breath to calm the nausea and headache. Carefully pulling one of the pills was hard as she could feel her hands shake a bit.

Ava cursed as she was able to swallow the pill with a chug of water on her third attempt. Then she bowed her head down, closed her eyes and clenched her fists that she laid tightly across her thighs.

As a doctor, she knew that it will take a few minutes before they will have any effect on her, but as a human being, she just wished the stabbing pain behind her eyelids and churning of her mostly empty stomach would disappear immediately.

“Hey.”

She pulled her head up and blinked a few times before his face stopped looking like a blurry shadow. The concern on his face was almost visible so she determinately stood up, which she almost regretted the second the world started spinning.

He grabbed her instinctively and she straightened herself by grabbing onto his forearms.

“Hey! Easy. You know, I can tell them that you are not feeling well enough to do this-“

“No!”

Ava interrupted him and stepped away. His hands hovered for a second before he apparently deemed her capable of standing on her own. She continued stubbornly before he could talk her out of it.

“The committee is already running a little behind. That probably means they are pre-discussing the outcome-“

“Ava, you are blameless, in all of this. I made every decision in the OR,” he interrupted her this time and she felt the frustration seeping through her as well as the nausea.

She wasn’t able to sort through her own thoughts due to the almost blinding headache and she didn’t know how to tell him clearly, so he could understand, that she was worried about his career as well. That he might voiced the orders, but if he didn’t, she would have.

If he told her that Will’s life was on the line instead of skirting around it. She would have chosen Will over their patient as quickly as Connor did.

And with that, Ava realized that it doesn’t matter that her thoughts might not make much sense. But she needed him to understand, that even though they are no longer together, he is still important to her and she cares about him.

She inhaled but before she could speak, Gwen’s voice called her name.

“Dr. Bekker.”

She turned around to face the COO.

“They’re ready for you.”

Turning around, she knew that there was no time to explain. She looked into his eyes for a second and hoped that he will understand. That he will forgive her for saving him.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Dr. Bekker, you assisted Dr. Rhodes when he operated on Mr. Corcoran.”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe that he knowingly put Mr. Corcoran’s life in jeopardy?”

Yes. Because if he didn’t wake him up, Tim Burke would have put a bullet in Will’s head.

“No,” she lied and hoped they couldn’t hear her heart beating wildly inside her chest. “All of Dr. Rhodes’ decisions were medically absolutely sound.”

“And is that your personal or objective opinion?”

She turned to the man that she never seen besides the one time she met the board. Of course he knew about her relationship with Connor, they filed the necessary documentation so they could freely be a couple while working.

She straightened and looked right into his eyes.

“You can look up Mr. Corcoran’s file. His injuries were severe. We did everything we could, but in such cases, there is just damage that cannot be undone no matter how hard we try.”

He didn’t acknowledge her at all, but Dr. Latham backed her up.

“I have given my expertise on Mr. Corcoran’s injuries, and I can only agree with Dr. Bekker’s statement.”

“So, you usually lighten patient’s anesthesia in such severe cases?” The man continued to press.

“Lightening anesthesia is a very common procedure. The more time a patient spends in a medically induced sleep, the more they are inclined to develop a fever, infections, respiratory problems-“

“Thank you.”

Ava felt her teeth clink together as she snapped her mouth shut. Her hands clenched lightly again, and she opened her mouth again to defend herself, but Gwen interrupted her.

“That will be all for now, Dr. Bekker.”

Her eyes drifted to Latham’s who shook his head imperceptibly. She stood up and followed Gwen out of the room. Connor was waiting anxiously outside, and Ava barely spared him a glance, worried that he’ll see something in her face, that will give away the fact that she was unabashedly lying on his behalf, as he disappeared inside with Gwen.

Taking a deep breath, she put one hand on the wall, nausea overwhelming her again. She sat down and touched her finger feeling the slightly raised skin where she was cut. Dropping the hand as soon as she realized what she was doing and clenching the injured one in a fist.

She hated this.

Lying. Yet she felt like she did nothing but that. Closing her eyes, Ava tried to suppress the memories trying to overwhelm her and she wished for nothing but getting in bed and sleeping for a week.

She’ll call Malik tomorrow.

Just thinking about it made her shiver. He will anticipate her call, like he always does. He’ll try to make her talk and they will end up arguing before they’ll both go outside and take a walk in complete silence, call not interrupted.

And she will wish, that she could be there, and he would stand right next to her and hold her hand. But he won’t be able to.  
Because he’ll be 21 hours away from her in Capetown.

“You told them, that I did everything in the patient’s best interest?”

She opened her eyes and stood up. Her mind still drifting in Africa.

“Yeah,” she agreed distractedly and tried to read his expression.

“You and I both know that some of my actions were questionable.”

Some? She wanted to tell him but promised Will and Jay to keep a secret the fact that she knew about the whole ordeal.

“Uhm,” she searched her mind for a justifiable excuse before blurting out. “We have no way of knowing if they had any effect on the outcome-“

“Still,” he interrupted her and this time, she was able to see what he felt. Anger. “The Oversight committee should have heard-“

Well, she was angry now too.

“Why?” She stopped him harshly. “So you could face Peer review and lose your license?”

She couldn’t help but chuckle with a bit of hysteria. Because she was trying to help him, and he couldn’t see it.

“Connor, I did it for you,” she clarified herself and blinked as she could feel her vision start to swim again.

And then she saw someone else in front of her whom she tried to save too. Her throat tightened at the memory and she could feel her eyes pricking. Ava felt her mouth move and repeat the same words she said 5 years ago.

“I’d do anything for you.”

Then she turned around. She had to walk away, she needed quiet, she needed sleep, she needed… The second Ava turned around the corner she took off into the bathroom inside the on-call’s room and barged inside where she fell to her knees in front of the toilet and vomited.

When she was done, she flushed the toilet and stumbled to the sink. Splashing cold water on her face helped her a bit. She was aware of her surroundings, no blackness before her eyes. Looking at herself in the mirror she was appalled at her reflection.

Her eyes were red and full of unshed tears, pupils blown. She was pale with sweat sticking her hair to her face. And she was shaking and swaying slightly in place. She couldn’t suppress the sob that tore out of her and her palm immediately flew up to her mouth to smother the sound.

Ava turned her back to the sink and slid down to the floor. Unconsciously pulling her phone out, her fingers performed the deeply ingrained dance. She put the phone to her ear and watched her foot tapping anxiously against the tiles.

The call was answered almost immediately.

“Ava?”

The world stopped spinning and just from the one word, she could feel more tethered to the world. She slowly exhaled.

“Malik… I… Can we take a walk?”


	4. Have a little faith in me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love writing Ava actually interacting with others.

“Mr. a Mrs. Rivers?” Ava asked softly and waited before the couple turned to her. “I am Dr. Ava Bekker and this is Dr. Ethan Choi.”

Her colleague nodded at the pair. They looked dazed, in shock. Haven’t comprehended yet the fact that their child is dead. Ava motioned for them to sit around the table and they complied without any questions. The doctors took their seats as well.

“I treated Jonah when he was brought in. He sustained very serious trauma to the head as well as to his chest. We managed to get his heart beating again, but the CT scans showed unrepairable damage…”

The woman started crying softly and her husband grabbed her hand, his own eyes moist but he still motioned for Ethan to continue.

“Our neurologist confirmed that Jonah is brain dead. I’m very sorry, Mr. a Mrs. Rivers,” he finished with compassion clearly visible through his voice.

The father took a deep breath and swiped away the few tears that have escaped before looking expectantly at Ava.

“Your daughter was brought with serious injuries as well, but at this moment, she is stabilized. Unfortunately, I can’t take you to her at this moment because she was brought back in for a second surgery because of the bleed to her liver,” Ava spoken in a soft but steady voice.

The parents nodded and Ava looked at Ethan who broke the silence.

“We know how hard it is for you to be making any kind of decisions, but we have to ask you. Jonah’s organs can be donated to some of our patients and even to a few that are miles away from here. We don’t want to pressure you-“

“We agree,” the woman spoke for the first time and even though her voice was scratchy she seemed determined.

“Do we need to sign something…?” her husband followed with a question and Ava slid the tablet that she brought with her closer to them.

“This is the consent form. Jonah put down his sister name as the one who can choose about this, but since she is not conscious and the viability is decreasing, you are legally allowed to do this instead of her.”

They both nodded and drew their signature. With that the doctors parted with them with a few quiet words and left them in the room to grieve together. As soon as they were few halls away, Ethan turned to her.

“Okay, I’m done looking at your bruised face, c’mon.”

The fact that she didn’t even argue with him showed how exhausting this day was for her. Ethan thankfully chose an empty on-call room where he headed straight for the cabinet that contained the first aid kit, while Ava sat down on one of the beds.

Her colleague grabbed a chair and sat in front of her. She dutifully turned her head until he was satisfied and started to clean the little cut.

“It’s small but it’s definitely gonna bruise,” he informed her as he applied a band aid there.

Ava sighed but didn’t move before he put his hands down.

“Thank you,” she said and made a move to stand but his hand on her shoulder stopped her.

“Ava, if anyone in the CT is bothering you, I can back you up if you decide to report them. I mean I saw how Beth acted and-“

“Ethan,” she interrupted with another sigh. “Thank you, really. But… I don’t think it’s a good idea to make a big deal out of this right now.”

She pointedly looked at him and he tightly nodded. His eyes told her, that he wasn’t very happy about it, even though he understood why she didn’t want to do it. Ava smiled a little and put her hand over his.

“I appreciate it though.”

He reciprocated her smile before they both stood up. As they walked out of the room he turned to her again.

“Wanna go with me and April to Molly’s, grab a beer?”

“Tempting,” she smiled a bit but shook her head. “But with the meds, the only thing I want now is a bed and some crackers.”

Ethan nodded sympathetically before grinning.

“Well, the offer will still sand once you’re feeling better.”

And with that, his pager went off, and he apologetically made a gesture to the ambulance bay. She waved at him as he took off running before making her way to the doctor’s lounge.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She could feel the exhaustion in every cell of her body as she slowly made her way down the stairs. Refusing to grab the railing for support was her biggest regret at the second but then she looked up and saw Connor sitting on one of the benches there.

He looked tired as well. Ava changed her route and walked towards him. Trying to push down the hope, that he was waiting here for her to thank her for having his back, she did her best to at least smile a little.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked and looked around. People were leaving the hospital as well as the night shift was filling in. “Aren’t you coming home?”

He was fiddling with his hands but when he looked up, Ava could feel herself growing apprehensive.

“I’ve been thinking.”

Her knuckles turned white where she gripped her bag.

“Who was in the hybrid OR. Who knew about my decision, who had the expertise… to judge it.”

She tried to wrap her head around what he was saying. She listed through the people who were there and pulled out names that she thought made sense.

“You think it was Marty? Sophia?”

His frown seemed to deepen. 

“No, if they’ve had a problem, they would’ve raised it at the time.”

She nodded slightly not really knowing what he was getting at. Her heart started to beat faster. Should she tell him, that she thought it was Beth? Maybe in collaboration with Lanik? Her hand hurt as she squeezed the strap of her bag with unnecessary force, but as she opened her mouth to voice her concerns, he spoke again.

“I think it was you.”

She closed her mouth. The worst thing about his statement was the fact, that she was kind of expecting it from him. It made her heart ache.

“What?” Ava still asked disbelievingly, even though she knew it was pointless.

His eyes were shining with something akin to disgust. And she hated it. How could he think that?

“I defended you,” Ava reminded him with a disbelieving and slightly hysteric chuckle.

“Exactly.” He stepped in before she could continue. “You–You’re like a pyromaniac that sets fire just to put it out.”

Her eyes started to sting, she could feel the tears. But she refused to cry in front of him, so she looked to the side and blinked them away before meeting his gaze dead on.

“Why in the God’s name would I do that?” Ava bitterly asked instead of telling him to go to hell and stomping off.

“The same reason you slept with my father and put your hand where you knew I would cut it-“

“What?!”

“-to keep me tied to you.”

He did not just tell her that. The disbelief quickly faded to anger. Disgust. And the feeling of hopelessness, when… She did snap at him this time.

“Risk my health?!”

Few people turned their heads in their direction, but she only watched Connor’s face that was pulled into a stone mask. But his eyes. She was so ready to tell him what happened, but he interrupted her once again.

“Like you said, you’d do anything, right?”

Her breath caught in her throat. Everything he said, felt like a slap to her face. But this one… This one pierced straight through her heart. He didn’t have any right to use his words.

“This is insane,” Ava said, and she felt her voice waver.

And as he stood up and moved towards her, she took a tiny step back, but immediately steeled herself. Not again. She will NOT feel like this ever again.

“My God, can you hear yourself?!” She spat out defensively.

“Ava, I think you have a problem and I think you need to get some help.”

The way his voice sounded so patronizing made her anger grow. And she took a step back against the onslaught of his words. Shaking her head, she spoke more quietly, but with the same passion.

“I’ve done nothing but support you. And help you,” she reminded him and even she could feel the tears in her voice. “You’re the one with the problem, Connor. You’re the one who should get some help.”

And without waiting for him to accuse her of God knows what else, she took off. Only after she was halfway home, she realized she was walking the entire time and not taking the subway. When she stopped gripping her bag, she felt pain coursing through her fingers and swiped at her face with them, only to find that the tears she was keeping in her eyes found their way out down her cheeks.

This was a nightmare. And she had no idea, how to wake up from it.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ava blearily pulled her hand from underneath the blanket and heavily dropped it on the bedside table where she fumbled a bit before she was able to grab her phone properly. She blinked a few times and narrowed her eyes to see who it was. With a sigh she accepted the call and put the phone to her ear while dropping back to the pillow and closing her eyes.

“Hey, Maggie. I’m not in the hospital, it’s my day off,” she said around a yawn and didn’t bother to add, that it’s a day off she requested very late and only thanks to Dr. Latham, who pushed it through because ever since she got the job here, she never asked for one, her wish was being granted.

“Yes, I know,” Maggie answered, and her voice turned a bit serious before she managed to sound cheerful again. “Get dressed because we’re about 15 minutes from your apartment.”

“What?” Ava mumbled and opened her eyes to look at the clock on the wall to her left. “It’s half past eight in the morning-“

“Exactly,” she was interrupted. “The best time to be up. Now you’re on 12 minutes, so chop chop.”

“Wait – what did you mean by “we”? Maggie I-“

She was met with a dial tone and immediately cursed. She hung up. Ava sighed again but managed to get out of the bed, shower and brush her teeth faster than she thought was humanly possible. While she was rummaging her closet to figure out what to wear, she heard the bell ring.

Zipping up her jeans she grabbed a pair of socks and padded to her door. Punching in the com, she was met with a cheerful voice of the head nurse.

“We’re here!”

“C’mon up,” Ava said almost entirely emotionless. Before the gears in her head started turning. Who could Maggie bring up with her?

April had a shift today, so she was out of the question. So was Will and Ethan for that matter. Ava’s heart clenched, but she prayed to every god she didn’t believe in, that it was not Connor. Her heart started beating faster because she knew she could not face him so soon after last night.

She just couldn’t. Not because she was worried about what he would say to her, but more because she was worried what she would say to him.

Before she could spiral more, there was a sharp knock on her door. Swiftly she put her socks on and before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed handle and opened the door. Then she had to blink in surprise.

“Hey!” Maggie greeted her and give her a hug.

“Hi, Maggie,” Ava answered automatically, and her gaze shifted to Natalie who smiled softly at her. “Hi, Nat.”

“Hey, Ava.”

They both looked at her almost bare feet expectantly and she sheepishly ducked back inside to grab her bag and put on the boots.

“Just a second!” she promised and when she came back and locked the door, she piped out. “So. Where are we going?”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“It’s the middle of the winter and there’s a street fair,” Maggie said with her eyes shining while she dragged both Ava and Natalie through the narrow path between the stalls surrounding them.

With her arms linked through both of the doctors’ own, they had no choice but to follow her. Ava had to admit that she was a bit worried about the fact that she and Nat weren’t exactly close, but the Ped’s doctor was super nice to her. Despite what she probably heard about the CT surgeon.

For Ava that was enough at the moment.

“Oh, look at that!” Maggie suddenly exclaimed and grabbed a dress that apparently caught her eye.

She held it against her and looked at her companions for their judgement. Ava exchanged a glance with Natalie and let her handle the answer.

“Well I like that it’s strapless,” Nat concluded with her head tilted slightly to the left as she observed the dress.

“Yeah?” Maggie smiled and looked at Ava who nodded and smiled a bit as well.

“But it’s a summer dress, it’s just gonna sit in your closet, you know?” Nat continued while Ava smiled sympathetically at the head nurse.

“You’re right,” Maggie agreed with a little frown before hanging the dress back. But not leaving without talking to the saleswoman who was watching them with a kind smile on her face. “I’ll be back in the spring.”

“Okay,” the woman agreed, and Ava petted a long scarf that had an African design all over it.

“Thank you,” Nat said and both her and Maggie walked off a bit. Ava heard a buzzing sound and looked over her shoulder to see Nat looking at her phone

“Homeland?”

Ava turned her head back to the saleswoman and nodded slightly.

“Cape Town,” she said simply before the woman had to ask.

“You are very far from home then.”

Ava narrowed her eyes a bit before relaxing when the woman simply smiled again. The doctor sighed as she realized how defensive she become in the last few weeks.

“Yeah.” She agreed then. “I am.”

The woman walked closer.

“I can show you some-“

She was interrupted with a sudden crash sounding noise that made Ava straighten up and look for the source. Immediately people started screaming and running. Ava felt a few elbows and knees bumping into her, but she swiftly moved to the side and jogged over the little stall when she heard the saleswoman cry out.

Ava reached the woman’s side and swept her eyes over her. She didn’t see any blood but as a doctor she knew that the woman could still be injured. The doctor dropped to the ground and put a comforting hand on the woman’s shoulder.

“Are you okay? Any pain?”

“No,” the woman shook her head and sat up with Ava’s help. “I think I was just surprised and then someone pushed me to the ground while they were running.”

Ava opened her mouth to ask her a few simple questions to make sure she didn’t have concussion when she heard Maggie yell outside.

“Natalie, watch out!”

The surgeon’s head immediately snapped to the direction of that voice before a loud crash could be heard and then a relative silence except a few screams that were dying out as well. Ava turned to the woman who looked like she was going into the shock.

The only thing Ava wanted was to run outside and make sure that both of her colleagues were okay, but she couldn’t leave this woman like this. Looking around, she saw a man walk a few meters away from them.

“Hey!” The man turned and Ava thanked the heavens that he jogged to them instead of taking off. “Thank you. Can you stay with her until an ambulance comes in? She is going into shock, so keep your voice calm and try to distract her a bit.”

“Wait!” He stopped her, obviously panicking at the thought of being alone with the woman, when she rose. “Where are you going?!”

“I’m a doctor,” she told him simply and ran outside.

It was a madness. Chaos.

People were going in all directions – some walking, some limping and some bleeding. Ava’s eyes sweeped around quickly. She was also swiftly walking toward the place that   
she was sure Maggie and Nat were standing before all of this happened.

“Ava!”

The blonde abruptly stopped and turned to her left. She exhaled in relief and jogged over to her friends. Maggie was steadying Natalie as they both rose up from the ground. When Ava reached them, she grabbed both women’s hands and as if on instinct, they did the same.

“Are you okay?” She asked both of them, her eyes switching from one to the other. She was also sure they were looking a bit like lunatics, standing in a weird triangle holding hands like they were afraid if they let go, they’ll disappear.

“Yeah, we’re good,” Nat said for the both of them, but looked at Maggie who confirmed it with a slight smile and a nod.

“Help! Please!”

“Did anyone call the ambulance?!”

“The firefighters-“

“-hospital, right now! I-“

The sudden influx of voices helped them come back to themselves. As if they were programed to work under chaos, like they were used to from the ER. Maggie straightened and both Ava and Natalie looked at her, ready to listen to her orders as they were used to it.

But before the head nurse could speak, a tiny girl sprinted right into Ava and stumbled. The doctor caught her awkwardly before she could fall and immediately knelt down to her.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” the girl nodded with tears in her eyes. “But miss, my mommy’s having a heart attack!”

“I am doctor, sweetie. Can you show me where she is?” Ava asked her in a calm voice and when the girl nodded, she offered her hand, that the girl took immediately.

Ava could only nod at her friends before the girl took off running while tightly clinging to Ava. They were pushing past people, who were running around, and avoiding debris around them. Fortunately, it didn’t take long before they arrived to a spot, where a woman was laying on the ground, leaning heavily on what was probably her car crashed into a lamp.

The little girl let go of Ava’s hand an dropped to her mom’s side without a care for her already bruised knees. Ava didn’t waste time and followed the little girl’s example, although a bit more carefully on her knees.

From what she could see, the woman had trouble breathing but judging from the piece of glass embedded in her side, probably in the lung, it was a punctured lung and not a heart attack. Ava quickly put both of her hands next to the wound and the woman whined in pain.

“Mommy?!” Her daughter started crying softly while tightly clutching her mother’s limp hand.

“Miss? My name’s Ava, I’m a doctor,” Ava spoke a bit loudly to gain her patient’s attention. She was glad when their eyes met.

“You have a puncture wound in your left side and I’m going need to stabilize it before the paramedics arrive to take you to the hospital, okay?”

The woman’s free hand tried to clutch at the piece of glass, but Ava nudged her hand aside gently.

“I know it hurts, but I can’t pull it out, because right now, it’s keeping the wound closed. Please, try to take more shallow breaths, but a little bit slower,” she instructed the woman and then turned to her child.

“Hey, sweetheart. I know this is scary, but I’m gonna need you to be very brave for your mommy, alright?”

The girl sniffed but nodded.

“Thank you. I’m Ava, what’s your name?”

“Penny.”

“Okay, Penny. I need you to look around here and bring me back the longest scarf you can find here. Can you do that for me?”

“Ye-yeah,” Penny assured her and with one last terrified look at her mom, took off running with her head down already looking for what Ava instructed.

“She’s smart and brave,” Ava complimented the woman in hope to keep her distracted.

The woman grimaced more than smiled, but Ava took what she could get.

“Is-is it bad?”

“I’m not gonna lie, it is serious, but it’s not life threatening,” Ava answered but didn’t mention, that it could possibly be lethal, if not treated soon.

“Th-thank y-ou.”

“I’m here okay, you just focus on breathing,” the doctor said softly while keeping eye contact and breathing in sync with her patient.

They were soon interrupted by a high-pitched yell.

“I got it!”

Ava turned to Penny who rushed to their side and offered the scarf held in both hands to Ava. She was breathing heavily but positively beaming at being able to help.

“Thank you so much, Penny! Grab your mom’s hand okay and tell her all about your journey to get the scarf.”

The girl happily started talking to her mother who was blinking heavily but still smiled at her daughter as she babbled away. Meanwhile Ava quickly secured the glass with the scarf all the while making sure that the blood flow around was good.

“Dr. Bekker?”

Ava turned her head and waved at the paramedics as they jogged over. She helped them strap the woman and wheel her in the ambulance. She hoisted the little girl up into the ambulance and closed the door. As soon as she banged on it and stepped back, the ambulance took off with its’ sirens blaring.

Ava took only a second before turning back around and jogging towards the place where people started to gather and, as she could see on a few of them, where the injured were being tagged. The amount of red tags was alarming to say the least.

“Maggie, I need help.” Natalie’s voice cut of the head nurse from her talk with Chief Boden who was overseeing his men helping people and moving debris around.

Before she could get to them, they were already resetting a bone in the injured man’s leg who screamed in pain against Maggie who was holding him down. Ava stopped a few people when she saw paramedics getting to the trio on the ground and they nodded to her while they flew past her.

The surgeon reached her friends and helped Maggie to her feet.

“There more ambo’s on the way, but it’s not gonna be enough.” The nurse told Nat and Ava who glanced at each other worriedly.

“As long as we get the red tags in the ED, we should be able to manage the yellow tags until the reinforcements gets here,” Nat said as she looked around, but Ava shook her head while Maggie voiced her displeasure out loud.

“No, Natalie, not outside. It’s too cold!”

“And not to mention we might get another storm coming today,” Ava added with angered helplessness in her voice.

Nat bit her lip before looking at one building behind them and pointing at it.

“What about that?”

They all looked and seemed to agree in silence. Nat squeezed their hands before running in the direction of the diner.

“Get the victims ready to move!”

With that she sprinted towards the place while Maggie turned to Ava.

“OK, I’m gonna lead the people there while you manage the red tags here to transport to the hospital. Get someone from Fire to help you sort people in the diner.”

“Got it,” Ava nodded and turned around.

She quickly moved through the crowd that was starting to gather around Maggie who was leading them to a warm and safe space. Ava let out a relieved breath once she saw a familiar face. As if he heard her thoughts, he turned around.

Surprise flickered on his face but ultimately settled into a warm but – given the circumstances – serious expression.

“Dr. Bekker.”

“Captain Casey. I’m gonna need your help.”


	5. Old flames, new sparks?

“Okay, listen up!”

All the firefighters turned to their captain as if he was the only important person in the whole world. If Ava wasn’t so agitated by all that was happening, she would be really impressed.

“We need to help get the victims away from the scene and into the hospital. Then we can do damage control here. So – anything Dr. Bekker says,” he voiced sternly, implying that everyone better listen and obey. “goes. Understood?”

“Yeah!”

“Yes.”

“Understood”

Well, they are willing to listen to me more, than the staff in Med, Ava thought grimly, before taking a step forward which made all the eyes turn to her.

“We need to get critical cases into ambulances. That means anyone who’s either bleeding out or not breathing goes first. Other injured patients are being gathered in the diner over there, where Dr. Manning and Maggie are currently treating everyone. I need at least seven people who know the basics of first aid enough to not let somebody die by making a rookie mistake.”

Most of them glanced at each other nervously, but there were few of them who moved forward and Casey instructed them to step aside to the left. Ava was happy, that there were not only seven but nine of them.

She nodded in thanks before quickly continuing.

“Thank you. Now, I’m gonna need groups – each group is gonna have our so-called medic. I know there’s a lot of you, so not everyone will be in that group. At least six people need to secure the area – we really don’t need bystanders running around. Another four need to clear the road so the ambulances can have free reign. And lastly, two people, who will be in charge of directing the injured but capable of walking to the diner for treatment.”

As soon as she was done, everyone was moving, and Ava turned to Casey.

“Thank you so much,” she said earnestly and got a smile in return.

“No problem. Where do we start?”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

“The ambo’s coming back! Priorities?”

Ava looked up from the patient who finally started breathing on his own again and pointed at him.

“This one. Stay with him, please.”

She got up and shook her head a bit in hope that the nausea will fade. Not a second later her name was being called.

“Ava!”

Matt was waving at her urgently. She jogged over to them and kneeled next to a man who was breathing harshly.

“Hello, my name’s Ava, what’s yours?” she asked while pressing her fingers onto his neck.

“Amari,” he gasped painfully before nodding slightly to the boy that was obviously being held back by Casey. “That’s my son, André.”

Ava gave the terrified boy a smile before turning to the man.

“I can hear your breathing’s not good and your heart is racing. Did you hit the ground or run into something?”

Surprisingly, his boy was the one who answered tearfully.

“No. The truck was headed for me, but dad jumped in and-“ he sobbed and the firefighter hold him a little bit closer.

“Well, that’s very brave of him,” she spoke softly before looking at the unnatural angle the boy’s arm was. “And you seem to hit the ground quite harshly as well, André.”

The boy looked confused and Ava turned to Matt, because she didn’t want to scare him.

“This is captain Casey, and he’s going to put your arm in a makeshift sling, so it will stay still and you won’t be in so much pain, okay?”

The man nodded and while he made the sling and caught all of the child’s attention, Ava spoke quietly to his father.

“I’m very worried your heart might have taken damage. You’re going in the first ambo that gets here-“

“André… first,” the man interrupted her forcefully and she grabbed his arm in a tight grip to get his attention.

“I know you love your son, but unlike yours, his condition is not life threatening. He is going right behind you,” she assured him immediately, when she saw he would love nothing more than to argue with her. “But he’s gonna need his dad. Alive.”

To her relief, he nodded, and Ava looked up as she heard sirens and quickly gestured at the fireman who was in charge of handling the ambulances. Once he saw the doctor waving at him, he nodded and waved at the ambulance to follow him.

Ava turned back to the man.

“You should have gone with the first wave. Didn’t anyone tag you?” she asked before she saw the little tag discarded underneath the man’s leg.

She furiously inhaled and grabbed it from the ground, but before she could tear the man a new one, the paramedics appeared beside them.

“We good to move?”

“Yup,” she nodded and with Casey helped the paramedics to get the man on the gurney and raced him to the ambo.

Before he was wheeled in, he grabbed Ava’s hand.

“It’s my… job. You… understand… ?”

Her eyes flickered to the badge he had on belt and she pursed her lips before nodding. He let go of her hand and she moved out of the way as Casey lifted the boy inside the ambo and closed the door banging on it. The male paramedic jumped in and the ambulance took off.

Ava was watching it grow smaller with distance and startled once a hand closed around her clenched fist. She looked up as Casey gently pried her fingers apart to reveal the crumpled red tag in her palm.

“He saved his son.”

“I know,” she said and met his eyes. “But I don’t think he’ll make it.”

The captain’s eyes fell, and she regretted being harsh before he nodded kindly, but the sadness was still visible.

“I’m sorry,” Ava shook her head a bit and blinked the moisture from her eyes. “I’m just way too harsh sometimes.”

“I think you’re being realistic. That’s more than most of the people can say about themselves.”

Ava looked away and fought off a little smile. She rubbed her fingers against her temple when she felt the nausea coming back but nodded at Matt reassuringly when he glanced at her worriedly. They slowly started to walk to the diner while ambulances passed them. The surgeon thought that it should be the last round of them, and they could call it a day.

“You must be so happy to take a day off,” Matt said in a teasing tone and Ava snorted before shaking her head.

She opened her mouth to say something, but then the doors to the diner opened and Ava’s heart stopped. She felt herself stumble as she recognized the person on the gurney. Matt caught her and she knew he was talking to her, but she couldn’t hear a word he said as her vision started to swam and her knees collapsed from underneath her.

And then she promptly blacked out before she even hit the ground.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Gaining consciousness wasn’t a pleasant feeling. It wasn’t helping that her head was still pounding, and she licked her lips as she felt the uncomfortable dryness of her mouth.

“-va?”

Slightly groaning she forced her eyes to open and blinked a few times before recognizing Sylvie’s face right above her. The surgeon jerked her head slightly when the paramedic shone a little flashlight in her face.

“C’mon Ava, you know I have to do this,” her voice sounded amused but relieved as well.

The CT surgeon grimly opened her eyes and managed to only slightly flinch throughout the procedure.

“I hate this,” she stated uncomfortably and moved to sit up before sliding back onto the gurney as the ambulance hit a ditch.

She surprisingly noted that she was inside a moving ambulance and groaned more loudly.

“Jesus… How long was I out?”

“About ten minutes. Your blood sugar is low and,” the blonde offered her a bottle of pills, “you forgot to take the medication for nausea. I’m pretty sure all of that-“

“Yeah – led to me taking a nosedive,” she said and frowned slightly at the laugh it elicited from the other woman. “That’s so embarrassing.”

“It’s not,” Sylvie said with a roll of her eyes that crinkled as she spoke more conspiratorially. “And you had prince Charming there to catch you.”

The fact that it made Ava blush was saying something. She was beyond embarrassed and frustrated. That fact alone made her sit up with more success. She ignored Sylvie’s half-assed commands to remain lying down.

“I’m not being wheeled in,” Ava shook her head and looked at the paramedic pleadingly. “Can you just drop me off somewhere?”

“Yeah, at Med,” Sylvie deadpanned. Before nonchalantly mentioning. “Be glad I’m not putting an IV into you.”

Ava squeezed her eyes closed and opened them a few seconds later, as the ambulance slowed down to a stop.

“I hate you,” she grumbled again before standing up with the blonde’s help.

“Yeah, yeah.”

The door opened and worried April appeared. She immediately moved to Ava’s other side and ignored the surgeons half-hearted protests. At least the two of them walked her into doctor’s lounge instead of the trauma.

Once she sat down a chocolate candy bar was pressed into her head as well as a soda. She nodded in thanks, suddenly too tired to argue. Before she even took her first bite April’s pager went off and the nurse with a quick hug to Ava disappeared in the ED.

Sylvie sat down next to Ava and smiled.

“Better?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“You should thank Casey,” the blonde teased and Ava only rolled her eyes before smiling sincerely.

“I will.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ava made a quick stop at Dr. Latham’s office where she had to assure him, that she was in fact okay, but didn’t protest when he offered her another day off. On her way down she went to check on Maggie and Natalie, and all of them fussed over each other before they laughed it off.

Her high spirits didn’t last too long, when she met Will, who broke the news about Amari’s death to her. She felt a bit ashamed of herself as she wasn’t able to make herself go see his son André. But the day really caught up to her and the only thing she wanted was to sleep it off.

Thinking that she didn’t have any food back home, her steps led her to the cafeteria that was mostly empty. She was so lost in her head that she almost ran over the woman in front of her. Then her brain finally went online.

“Robin.”

Judging from her reaction, it seemed like she wasn’t the only one surprised.

“Oh. Hey Ava.”

Remembering to be polite to her ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend she questioned the obvious.

“Are you back… working in the hospital?”

Robin shook her head and spoke in serious tone.

“No, my mom’s a patient… or might be a patient.” She visibly hesitated. “Oncology.”

Ava nodded sympathetically in understanding.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah.”

Even though it was absolutely none of her business she couldn’t help herself but ask.

“Have you seen Connor, yet?”

“Briefly,” she affirmed and smiled lightly. “We made loose plans to get together soon.”

Wow. Well, he was a single man after all. And so was she.

“It’s uncertain times so… I’m thankful to have a friend close by.”

Ava only nodded and smiled tightly.

“Anyway, I gotta get back upstairs.”

“Of course.”

She moved out of Robin’s way and watched her disappear in the hallway. She did not have any right to be jealous. She didn’t want to, but running into Robin made her realize, that even though she willed herself not to care about Connor anymore, her affection for the surgeon still didn’t go away.


	6. The Breaking point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part of my pre-written work, so please be patient, while I continue to write.
> 
> Thank you so much for the support!

She had to give herself a stern talking, that it had to be done and that there was no other less embarrassing way to do it, so she just might as well go for it now. Huffing another puff of air, she pulled her beanie a bit down before taking a deep breath.

Unfortunately, before she could run away like she partially still wanted to, the doors before her opened and she swiftly moved out of the way so the tipsy couple could continue with their slightly unsteady walk into the night. The man behind them though absolutely ignored the rule of walking out of the room and held the door open for her.

Without any other choice, she smiled lightly at him in thanks before rushing inside the warm pub. Her fingers were burning a bit because she couldn’t find her gloves at home (of course) and she was sure that her nose was slowly turning red from the changing temperature.

With that assessment, she made a mental note not to take off her beanie, because that would have totally completed the look of utter lunatic. She just had to find him real quick without any fuss, tell him what she came to say and leave.

Her eyes roamed the room where many people were talking and laughing and not paying attention to her. As she was considering how weird it would be, if she just left as abruptly as she came in, there was a quick shout of her name from behind the bar.

“Dr. Bekker!” Christopher Herrman smiled brightly towards her while cleaning glasses in front of him. “There she is!”

With a long inward sigh, she forced herself to move to him and smiled at him lightly. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, but she wasn’t really a people person.

“Evening,” she said loud enough for him to hear. “Busy night?”

The firefighter gave an exaggerated sigh, but his eyes were sparkling. He opened his arms as if to say what can you do, here, that made Ava chuckle. Herrman smiled at her.

“What can I get you?”

“I’m on meds, so…”

Before he could answer, Stella walked to them and smashed a glass with red liquid right in front of the slightly stunned doctor.

“Non-alcohol specialty. As home-y as the lemonades can go.”

“I really don’t think-“

Stella only picked up a sparkly purple umbrella seemingly out of nowhere and plucked it in the glass before walking away with a shout. “Thank me later, doc!”

Herrman looked like he seriously regretted offering her this job before looking at Ava kindly.

“You don’t have to drink it. But either way – it’s on the house.”

“I can’t accept that,” Ava shook her head and grabbed her backpack to look for her purse so she could pay for it, but she was interrupted again.

“I’ll pay for it.”

She looked up and all the words she basically memorized to tell him flew out of the window. He looked at her with a soft and a bit worried smile as his eyes swept over her. He sat on one of the bar stools and pulled one for her as well.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she settled herself, puling of the damn beanie and taking off her coat which Herrman grabbed from her to hang it on the rack next to the door, before looking up. Her hands twitched with the urge to run them through her hair. “I’ve actually went looking for you.”

His eyebrows rose a bit and she forced herself to keep talking and get it off her chest as soon as possible.

“I wanted to thank you for today – how you handled everyone. And that you caught me- I mean I really had not wanted to end the day with an embarrassing concussion, so. Even more embarrassing fainting had to do,” she smiled tightly and looked away.

Her hands grabbed the drink Stella made her and she fished out the tiny umbrella before setting it on a napkin next to her.

“You don’t have to thank me, for handling the guys. That’s part of my day job,” he spoke with low voice and added gently. “And I was actually looking for you as well.”

That made her head snap back up. He understood her confusion and chuckled before nodding his thanks to Herrman who put a beer in front of him and disappeared to the other side of the bar again.

“I meant, at the hospital. We arrived probably right after you already left the hospital. At least that’s what Maggie told me.”

Of course, Ava thought, but it wasn’t bitter. Especially since the head nurse at least didn’t give out her phone number or address. And that he felt like it would invade Ava’s privacy, if he asked for it.

“It was a long day,” she sighed as her hands fiddled with the drink in front of her.

“Yeah, it was,” he agreed before trying to catch her eye, so she had no choice but turn to him. “But I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Me?” She asked and wanted to slap herself for such a dumb question, but Matt just smiled again.

“Yeah. I really don’t make a habit of women passing out on me.”

“Oh, I’m sure that there were exceptions,” Ava blurted out without any sort of filter.

Matt’s eyes widened with surprise and Stella, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, started laughing. Matt chuckled while Ava smirked a bit. Teasing, that was a familiar territory for her, after all.

“Good one,” Stella nodded at her and pushed a little bag of chips to her. “Well deserved, my girl.”

To that, Ava a bit sheepishly smiled at the other woman before tearing the bag open. How could she say no to any kind of salty treat, after all, she argued with herself and popped one into her mouth.

“That answers my question then.”

She gave him a small smile which he reciprocated. Ava nudged the little bag to him and was pleased when he took a handful without any shame.

“Casey! I got the call back from– oh, Dr. Bekker, hi. Great work today!”

She turned her head to look at Kelly Severide who smiled at her immediately. She smiled a bit in greeting as well.

“Hello,” she reciprocated. “Thank you. Although I think you did all the hard work there.”

Kelly chuckled.

“Nah,” he shook his head and looked at Matt which Ava noticed.

“I can leave you two alone,” she suggested and made a move to get up, but Casey caught her hand gently and pushed her back onto the stool.

“You can stay. I’ll be right back,” he said smiling while grabbing his coat and then followed his friend outside.

Ava smiled a bit and turned back to her drink. As she took a sip, her eyes automatically swept through the bar and she almost choked when she saw the group of people at a table very close to the place she was sitting at.

She felt panic ran through her and quickly put the drink down before the shaking of her hand would make her spill it on the floor. Which would attract attention without a doubt. Ava hopped of the stool and went on a search for her wallet. She pulled out a five-dollar bill and put it next to her drink. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Herrman coming to her, but she needed to get out, so she pretended not to see him as she moved to the door to get her coat.

As she was putting it on her head snapped up and she made eye contact with the scrub nurse. Beth looked disinterested before she recognized her and there was immediately an angry and disgusted sparkle in her eye that made Ava shiver from anger as well as sadness.

She still wanted to be the better person here. Ava nodded in the nurse’s direction and was met with a much sterner nod, before Beth turned to her girl friends next to her and started to whisper to them. As if on cue, second later they were all looking at Ava with disdain.

Hoping that it would not look like she was running away from them but merely leaving the bar she forced herself to move slower than she would like but as soon as she was out of the door, she took more prolonged steps and headed to the subway she knew was actually close.

The fury in her head dissipated a bit, once she heard Casey’s shout.

“Ava!”

She faltered a bit in her steps and that was enough for him to catch up with her.

“Did something happen?”

He sounded so genuinely worried about her, but she was terrified of trusting that genuinity. Every time she opened up to someone and let herself be vulnerable, she got hurt. And she was so tired of stitching the pieces back together.

Right now, she wasn’t even sure, if this time, she’d be able to do it. Or if she wanted to.

“No, I’m-,” she mumbled with her head turned away from him as she resumed her walking. “It’s been a long day, I’m tired.”

“Okay. I have my truck right there in the parking lot. I haven’t gotten to drink the beer yet, so I can drive you, if you want?”

Her eyes stung and she shook her head, but he suddenly stepped right in front of her and she instinctively took a step back as she felt herself being caged in by his arms, even though he certainly didn’t mean to intimidate her. He put them down the second she moved away from him.

“Wait, please. I can see you’re upset, and I don’t want you to be by yourself.”

“I’m an adult, it’s fine,” she snapped at him a bit before softening her voice in hopes it would get him to believe her. “You can go back inside. I can make it back home just   
fine.”

“I know that,” he answered softly as well. “But you don’t have to.”

“It’s fine,” she repeated and made a move to bypass him, but he sidestepped her. She scowled and looked up, angered by his calm and so genuinely nice expression. She persisted. “Go back.”

“No,” he shook his head. “You were laughing with me just a second before I went outside with Kelly and now you’re upset.”

“Maybe that’s just who I am,” she snarked.

“I worked with you today, this doesn’t seem like you–“

“You don’t know me!” She interrupted him and raised her voice defensively to which he nodded a bit.

“Okay, you’re right,” he agreed easily before adding more seriously. “But I’d like to.”

And Ava… She just had enough. Even knowing, he absolutely did not deserve the rage burning inside her from the sheer unfairness of the position she was put into by assumptions, did nothing to calm the storm inside her.

“Do you now?” she chuckled without any humor in it. “Okay. I’m sure you already know this, but just so you get the whole picture: first off, the reason there’s a Hybrid OR in Med is because I, obviously, slept with Rhodes Sr., so that in exchange he donated money to the project, because I’m so obsessive I couldn’t handle the fact that my now ex-boyfriend was leaving the town, because he was offered a job that I wanted for myself. Secondly, I’ve orchestrated a board review, so I could scare said ex with taking his medical license. Then I’ve cut myself with a scalpel, so I could risk getting HIV from a patient, because guilt tripping him is also my hobby. But while I’m so good at these mind games, somehow, he figured this all out, and he already exposed me as the vengeful psychotic doctor that is threat to everyone on this planet. And he’s not alone in this, because Beth, the angel, can spread all of this to the whole hospital staff and thankfully even here, in public. So, you can go back inside and ask her for all the juicy details!”

Ava didn’t even realize that she was basically screaming in his face with tears in her eyes. But as soon as she did, she moved, to get away, get home and cry her heart out there, where no one can hurt her. But he caught her forearm, firmly but still gently, preventing her from escaping.

“Let me go,” she growled frustrated as she avoided eye contact and prayed the tears away, just before she could escape him.

He didn’t listen and stepped closer before enveloping her in a hug. She feebly pushed her hands against his chest to push him away but somehow, they didn’t listen and only rested there.

“Let me go,” she whispered, her voice so wobbly and tears already slipping down her cheeks, no matter how hard she tried to keep them at bay.

“I will,” he said with his lips pressed to the crown of her head, so the words were a bit muffled. “But only if that’s what you really want.”

Her fingers grasped his jacket and her eyes closed. She knew she should pull away.

“I hear you, Ava. I’m here and I hear you, okay?”

The sob it tore out of her was so unexpected that it surprised her, but Matt didn’t seem surprised at all. His arms squeezed her a bit tighter and she let herself fall.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The ride to her apartment was, surprisingly, not awkward. Maybe she would have felt that way, but she was so exhausted that she was just gazing out of the window and watched the city go by. Matt also seemed comfortable in the silence but still glanced at her from time to time.

It actually felt nice. To have someone worry about her.

No accusations, no questions, just acceptance.

Ava was so comfortable that it seemed like a second before they were pulling over in front of her apartment. She sat up straighter and unbuckled herself but made no move to get up. She only stared at the door of the apartment block.

She sighed knowing he deserved at least an explanation.

“I’m sorry about… all that. You didn’t need to hear that,” she said and looked at him.

His eyes still held the warmth and no judgement.

“I don’t mind. You seemed like you needed to get it off your chest for a while.”

“Probably,” she agreed with another tired sigh. “Thank you. For that. And the ride home. It seems like I’ll just keep being in your debt.”

“Well, you can even the score,” he said with a smile. “You’ll go upstairs, take a warm bath, make yourself a tea and head to the bed.”

Ava blinked in surprise at his request before biting her lip.

“I feel like I should at least invite you in since I forced you to drive through the city-“

“You didn’t force me to do anything, I wanted to,” he interrupted her but not unfriendly. “And you don’t have to invite me because you feel compelled to do so. I’m just glad you got home safe.”

She really looked at him and it took her a few seconds to speak again.

“Thank you, Matt,” she said quietly but sincerely.

His eyes smiled when he answered.

“You’re welcome.”


	7. High stakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taking so long!  
> But here's another chapter. I'm slowly adding my own point of view and I'm very happy with how things are turning out. I love making Ava actually interact with everyone on the show!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Her day off was calm and slow.

She woke up at 9 AM and stretched out like a cat on her bed, feeling rested. Without opening her eyes yet, her head turned to the right and only then she slowly peeled her eyes open. Ava couldn’t help herself but smile as her eyes landed on her Blue Tang fish who swam in little circles while seemingly looking at her.  
With a sigh she got up and as she bend down the fish followed her movement as if sensing it was about to be fed.

“You’re really a high maintenance, I hope you know that, Muffin,” she grumbled at him lovingly and poured him his breakfast which he eagerly started consuming. “Don’t choke to death, please.”

After a quick shower, she was surprised to see notifications on her social media and her heart skipped a beat, as she found out, that they were mostly from Matt. His messages were short and sweet, and also made her feel comforted and not pressured.

She replied and was a bit disappointed when he didn’t reply immediately, for which she scolded herself. Of course, he couldn’t reply. He was working – unlike someone else.  
Ava turned off her phone before starting on breakfast. Today, she would finally do something for her own mental health. Taking the day off has been only a start. She made a list of what she wanted to do, once she got settled in Chicago, a long time ago and now it was the right time to try something on it.

There were many places she wanted to explore and realistically knew, that it wasn’t possible to visit them all in one day. So she rolled a dice. Literally.  
After her three-hour long walk around the city, and a quick stop at the market she surprisingly found at the corner of her own street, she was back home where she kicked off her boots and went straight to the kitchen. As she started on one of her recipes that she brought from Africa, she turned her phone back on and put it on the counter where it happily vibrated for a few minutes before settling.

Even then she didn’t grab it immediately. Ava waited until the dish was in the oven before picking it up. As she read through all of the messages, she felt a lot happier than the day before. The messages were from a lot of people – Matt (of course), Maggie, April, Nat, Dr. Latham and synchronized, as if they were sent at the same time, were messages from the Halstead brothers.

Will must have told Jay something, if he was checking up on her as well. They were friends, after all that happened, but they didn’t hang out much. She thought to herself that she really needed to change that.

That evening she burrowed herself with warm food and coffee in blankets and put on some TV show April recommended her a few weeks ago. It was some medical drama and as soon as the first episode ended, she sent the nurse a long message about everything that was wrong with their medical procedures and knowledge. April sent back a long-suffering sighing GIF and added, that she expected nothing less from her and also accused her of secretly loving the series.

Ava agreed with that assessment and put on the second episode. The doctor was kinda cute, she could admit that at least.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The next morning, she woke up a bit more apprehensive as she quickly got herself ready and headed out to the hospital.

Her phone started to vibrate the second she crossed the parking lot. Looking at the ID, she answered.

“Morning, Dr. Latham?”

“Hello, Dr. Bekker. I’m very sorry to disrupt your morning routine already, but if you would be so kind and join me in my office as soon as you get to the hospital, please.”

Her heartbeat picked up.

“Did something happen?” She couldn’t help herself but ask.

He sighed before answering.

“There has been another complaint filed. It concerns you.”

“I understand,” she managed to get out and cleared her throat. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Thank you.”

With that he hung up and she put her phone back inside her bagpack. He didn’t sound angry with her, but that did not mean a thing. The complaint was filed against her, she was sure of it. Was it already going to higher places? Was she too late to stop it?

With these thoughts she barely paid attention to her colleagues that joined her in the elevator. She patiently waited as it took them up and onto her floor. Meanwhile she grabbed her phone again to look up the OR’S she’d be operating in today. She was also the only one that got off on the CT floor, not that she minded.

As she got out her eyes swept the hall and came to halt. Connor. He coldly nodded at her when he noticed her.  
Well, okay then. She can be a cold-hearted bitch as well.

“So, Robin and her mother are in the atrium.”

“Okay.” He didn’t even look at her. Like she didn’t matter.

She pulled out her pills in her own selfish demonstration as she continued.

“You happy to have her back in town?”

That finally got her a reaction.

“Look, Ava… I’d… We have to share the same space, so how about we just try and keep it professional, okay?”

Well, that made her blood boil. She wasn’t the one accusing him of everything going wrong because of her feelings. Her fingers tightened at the bottle of pills and she pulled them up to his eyesight.

“Still taking the anti-retrovirals, by the way,” she bit out angrily before storming past him.

There were only few people who pointedly looked the other way as she passed them, and her mood dropped even more. She quickly changed into her scrubs and marched to Dr. Latham’s office. She stopped in front of the door, took a deep breath before firmly knocking. Not even a second later, she was asked to come in.

Dr. Latham looked calm as ever as he gestured for her to sit down. She was anxious but listened and sat. Without a word he handed her over a letter. As she read it, she felt anger, disappointment and unbearable sadness and helplessness.

“It’s anonymous,” she stated, as she handed it back before continuing. “But judging from what’s in there, I believe we both know, who wrote this.”

“Yes.”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“So…? Am I suspended or-?”

“Of course not,” he shook his head firmly before looking into her eyes. “I worked with you, Dr. Bekker. I believe I know, how you operate and how you treat your team in the OR. That description there,” he put his palm on the complaint, “doesn’t belong to the woman I know personally.”

Ava looked up in shock and watched, as he grabbed the paper and ripped it in pieces before neatly throwing the pieces into the recycle bin for paper. He settled again and smiled at her.

“Now. As that was dealt with, I believe we can talk about our patient with the heart defect.”

Her lips turned upwards a bit and his eyes softened at that. Then, as if nothing happened, he jumped right into the case on their hands.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Dr. Bekker!”

She bit back a sigh as she turned to one of the nurses running towards her.

“Yes, Annie?” She asked as pleasantly as she could.

“Dr. Halstead paged the CT, but Dr. Rhodes is consulting…,” the nurse explained apologetically.

Ava nodded and smiled a bit at her.

“Okay, lead the way, please.”

They hurried together through the east wing to get to the ER. Annie was obviously used to running errands as she expertly navigated her way through the crowds. Ava only needed to follow her closely. The ER was busy as always when they arrived.

Ava smiled at Maggie when they passed each other before squeezing herself through the door to one of the trauma rooms. She immediately felt the heat coming off of the blanket that was warming the patient up.

“What do we have, Will?” She asked as she put on the gloves and nodded her thanks to the nurse that excused herself to assist another doctor.

“I found her frozen at Jay’s neighbourhood. We’ve been warming her up since then but then she developed a murmur in her heart that I’m not comfortable with,” he explained quickly as Ava put on her stethoscope and pulled the blanket from the woman’s chest.

She nodded in agreement as she listened to the patient’s heart.

“I hear it,” she said as she put the stethoscope around her neck. “Not good. I’d start with meds, if we’ll need to crack the chest, it’d be better if her temperature settles.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” Will nodded.

“Did you do a chest X-ray?”

“We did. It’s not really clear but you can have a look,” he said and motioned to her to follow him.

Ava turned to the nurse beside them. “Give her some beta-blockers and monitor her for me, please. If anything changes, just page me.”

The nurse nodded and the doctors left the trauma room before going inside one of the Radiography rooms. Will pulled up the woman’s chest X-ray. Ava grimaced a bit as she observed her heart.

“Well, not to be pessimistic, but the meds probably won’t do any magic.”

“The EKG is not good either,” Will added as he crossed his arms.

“Well,” Ava sighed and pursed her lips before her expression cleared up a bit. “You know what. Her heart is in bad condition, but the blood flow is good – great even. I’m thinking, what if we increase it even more. That way the oxygen flow can improve and maybe help with the regeneration. If we warm her up, she might respond to it.”

Will smiled and nodded.

“Good idea. Thank you.”

“No problem,” she smiled as well and turned the light off from the screen before getting the X-ray down. “Just page me, if anything changes, OK?”

“You got it,” he said as they walked out of the room and separated.

The surgeon got on the elevator and read through the surgical reports from the morning before getting off on the CT floor. She was thinking about finally having some lunch but before she could disappear inside the doctor’s lounge, someone called her name.

“Ava!”

She turned and blinked in surprise as Robin quickly walked over to her.

“Hi Robin,” Ava said politely and clutched her phone a bit tighter.

“Ava, hi! I’m so glad you’re here!” Robin breathed out and grabbed her hand. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course.”

“Okay,” Robin exhaled, visibly relieved, before leading the surgeon towards one of the rooms. “So, I’ve told you about my mom.”

“Yeah. Is she okay?” Ava asked alarmed.

Robin sighed before they stopped in front of one of the doors.

“Well, she was being admitted for the clinical trial here, but the exam did not go well. She’s got a double gallop and the doctor told us that there is no way they will accept her.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Ava said earnestly as she tried to find a solution. “Well… I know I’m not her doctor, but have you thought about a heart valve replacement? I mean, if your mom’s got good results, that can be manageable.”

Robin’s eyes sparkled and she grabbed her hand once again.

“Yes! That’s exactly what we’ve been offered! But,” she sighed almost angrily now. “The chances are… not that good.”

“Of course, it was only a suggestion-“

“Wait, no! You’re getting me wrong, here,” Robin shook her head before determinedly looking at Ava. “I meant that we want to take the chance and do the surgery.”

“Okay,” Ava nodded still not understanding what Robin was getting at. “Then I can go and book you an OR, I’ll clear the schedule so she can go as soon as possible. Just tell me who’s her surgeon and I go over it with them.”

Robin bit her lip before straightening up.

“Well, that’s the thing. I need you to not tell him a damn thing and do the surgery yourself.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She should’ve said no.

She should’ve said NO.

Ava determinedly looked forward as she viciously scrubbed her hands clean. Her eyes were focused on the woman on the table that was listening to the anesthesiologist as he explained to her what was going to happen before they knock her out.

She already went through everything with both her and Robin. Dr. Charles was nowhere to be seen as well as Connor. Robin made it clear enough that she did not wanted them to have any say in this. Her mom was in on that as well.

And the thing is… she wasn’t feeling sorry either.

She understood Robin and her want to do everything she could for her mother. Ava knew that feeling, she has been in her shoes. In a way.

With an inaudible sigh she turned off the water and went to get her gloves on before the door opened. She braced herself for a furious Connor storming inside but when she turned around, it was Beth. With an unpleasant grimace on her face.

“Mrs. Goodwin expects you in her office. She stopped this surgery.”

Ava curtly nodded and not let anything show on her face before taking off her surgical cap. She looked at Marty and shook her head little before pointing at the door. He nodded and went back to Caroline’s side.

Well, Ava thought as she made her way to the office, here we go.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“She went behind my back and tried to pouch my patient!”

Ava stood still and ignored him. She looked only at the Chief who turned to her with a slightly creased brow.

“Is that true, Dr. Bekker?”

“Hardly. I was offering a second opinion, for which-“

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he interrupted her.

Ava frowned and without looking at him continued.

“As I was saying, I was asked for a second opinion. The patient’s daughter had already requested this surgery directly.”

At that he turned to her angrily and It took all of her willpower to keep her ground.

“You had no right to insert yourself!”

She looked at him coldly, although her heart was beating like crazy.

“And honor the patient’s wishes, when you’d refused?”

He clenched his jaw and Ava sighed before continuing.

“And I understand that, since it’s your ex-girlfriend’s mother, but-“

Ava flinched when he exploded and took a step back.

“Oh, come on! That is absurd! I was acting in my patient’s best interests. You-“

Mrs. Goodwin stopped him almost immediately.

“That’s enough!”

Ava clenched her jaw as well and looked away.

“You mean my patient,” she said determinedly. She promised Robin and she would fight for her.

“Really?!”

“You two may think I’m fascinated by your little soap opera, but I couldn’t care less. When you clock into this hospital, you leave that mess at the door.” Mrs. Goodwin said sternly before pointing at Ava. “Dr. Bekker, your lack of professional etiquette is glaring.”

Ava bit her lip but said nothing as the Chief continued, this time her anger directed at Connor.

“But Caroline Charles has the right to determine her own care. Dr. Rhodes, if you don’t perform the surgery, Dr. Bekker will.”

Ava crossed her arms and briefly looked at Mrs. Goodwin.

“Thank you,” with that she went to move outside. She didn’t even take a step before he spoke.

“Not so fast.”

She stopped before slowly turning around. Connor was looking at Mrs. Goodwin though.

“Caroline’s still my patient. So, if this surgery is gonna happen, I’m gonna do it,” with that he walked angrily around Ava and slammed the door.

Ava managed to catch herself before she could flinch again. She slightly nodded at the Chief but before she could escape, she was stopped again.

“Dr. Bekker.”

She lifted her eyes because the older woman has visibly softened her voice.

“Yes, Mrs. Goodwin?” Ava managed to ask.

“Are you OK?”

Ava felt something tighten inside her as she immediately recalled Connor’s accusations, that she should get some help, and-

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re trembling.”

Oh. Oh. She was.

“I’ve… forgotten to take the meds. Side effect,” she mumbled an excuse.

She forced herself to withstand the searching gaze of the other woman.

“If you’re sure,” Mrs. Goodwin acquiesced before adding. “But if there’s anything you want to talk about… My door is open.”

Ava tightly nodded and faintly smiled before leaving the office. Once the door closed, she exhaled in relief and jumped in surprise when Robin appeared right in front of her.

“Sorry,” Robin smiled apologetically before frowning. “Marty came out to tell me the surgery has been cancelled, so I went looking for you. I saw Connor storming out a minute ago, he looked pretty angry.”

No, he looked livid, Ava thought.

“Yeah,” she said out loud before faintly smiling. “I tried, but your mom’s in his care again, but he agreed to do the surgery.”

“Really?!” Robin’s eyes shone and Ava thought for herself, that it was worth it. All the pain.

“Mhm,” she hummed and flexed her fingers. “Robin I… I just wanted to tell you, that what you’re doing. It’s a good thing. I would’ve done the same thing for my family.”

Robin smiled and Ava realized with a pang in her heart, that she understood, why Connor chose her. The young Charles was truly a good and kind person.

She grabbed Ava’s hand again and squeezed.

“Thank you, Ava. It really means a lot”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She walked inside the scrub room apprehensive but there wasn’t anyone there yet. That made her relieved. Her hands automatically started the washing ritual and her eyes were once again fixed on the scene before her.

Caroline was already going under as Ava cleaned her hands but before she closed her eyes, she looked at Ava through the glass and smiled faintly. Ava smiled back as much as she could and watched the woman give in to the drugs.

The smile was still on her face. She looked so peaceful.

All of the happy thoughts Ava tried to force upon herself flew out of the window as the door opened forcefully. Within a second, he stood next to her, the distance between them was oddly comforting for Ava, even though she knew they had to be in tune to get Caroline through the surgery.

But that’s okay. She managed. For weeks she’s been working with staff, that’s been undermining her and actually filed a compliant out of spite. She could get through this.  
No talking, nothing personal-

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asked her in a barely contained voice.

She swallowed harshly before answering.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m scrubbing in.”

He wanted professionalism, after all. Connor shook his head instead of answering, obviously annoyed.

“Oh, come on,” she bit out and forced herself to look at him. “You didn’t think you’re going to perform a surgery without me?“

He huffed disdainly and Ava had enough.

“This is my floor!” She reminded him sternly.

He looked at her as well. There was obvious hatred in his eyes, it made her stomach churn.

“You don’t take cases this risky, you’re too worried about your stats,” he spat out angrily.

She shook her head disbelievingly.

“You know, I’d say you’re doing this to get under my skin, but even you wouldn’t stoop that low,” he continued with a faked consideration before looking at her. “Or would you?”

“Wow,” Ava replied. “Your ego is truly boundless, isn’t it?”

She stopped the water and turned to him.

“Alright. You want it straight?” And continued without waiting for his reply. “I’d agreed to do this surgery because I’m the best CT surgeon in this hospital. I’m confident I can pull Caroline through. And if you’re not – stay the hell away from my OR.”

Not caring one bit she turned around and walked inside. One of the scrub nurses came to help her with obvious disdain but Ava ignored her. She couldn’t care less about any of these people that saw her as a monster.

Caroline was the only person on her mind. She was counting on Ava and she would not disappoint.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Retractors are in place. I see the entire valve. Scissors. Starting with the anterior leaflets.”

Ava looked closely before interjecting.

“Hold on. Those cords aren’t as diseased as I would’ve imagined. I think you could just repair them,” she looked up, happy with a solution that might mean less of a surgery for them.

Her mood dropped the second she looked into his narrowed eyes. She added her explanation.

“Avoid replacing the valve.”

“If I do that, and the repairs fail, I can have her back on the table in six months.”

She nodded a bit but pursued her idea.

“Yes. But that’s if it fails.”

“Not taking that risk.”

“And if it doesn’t, she’ll be in better condition in long term. She won’t have to take blood repre-“

“I’m not gonna do it!” He barked at her and everyone in the OR stopped.

Marty turned around and looked at both of them. Ava lowered her eyes, very much aware that since Caroline was technically his patient, he was calling the shots.

“Like I said,” he continued with the same aggressive voice. “Starting on the anterior leaflets.”

With that he cut into the borders of the wall and Ava angrily bit her lip.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Finishing the left atrial suture line. Let’s get ready to take off the cross clamp. Start warm blood and cardio-colisa.”

Ava nervously looked at the heart, not liking what she saw when the machines started. And she was proven right not even a second after.

“She’s fibrillating.”

“Paddles!” Connor ordered immediately. “Charge to 20.”

“Charging.”

“Charged.”

“Clear.”

Everyone stepped back as Connor gave her the shock. Ava shook her head.

“Still fibrillating.”

“Charge to 30.”

“Charged.”

“Clear.”

Again, no improvement, Ava raised her voice.

“No change.”

“Charge to 50!” Connor ordered.

“Connor,” Ava interjected. “If we won’t get her to a sustainable rhythm, she won’t make it off the table.”

“You don’t think I know that?!” he barked at her. “Clear!”

Nothing happened again and the scrub nurse increased the jouls again.

“Maximum charge,” she told everyone in the room.

“Clear,” Connor said again before shocking.

“Connor!” Ava raised her voice again. “We can’t just keep defibrillating we need to regress her!”

“Her heart’s too sick, she’ll never come off.”

“We don’t have a choice!” she reminded him.

He looked at the heart and her heart sank as she saw the wild look in his eyes.

“I’m gonna remove the cross clamp.”

Oh, it was even worse than she thought.

“Are you insane?! Caroline would still be defibrillating but without the coronary perfusion, you’ll kill her!”

“No,” he shook his head as he went for the cross clamp. “When I was in my fellowship, we had a patient like this. It wouldn’t convert, it was the only thing that worked.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. Robin’s face appeared and the eyes stopped shining. Ava was the one that dimmed the light.  
She opened her eyes. It was barely a second.

“Okay.”

He seemed surprised but immediately continued with the action.

“Cross clamp’s off.”

The heart didn’t move. Everyone was aware of the blaring heart monitor, but their eyes were fixed on the unmoving heart.

5 seconds. 10.

And then it moved, and Ava pulled in a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in. Marty was the first to break the silence.

“Wow! She’s back in a sinus rhythm.”

“Amazing call Dr. Rhodes,” one of the doctors announced.

Ava was still looking at the beating heart and couldn’t care less about anything else. Caroline was back.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

They walked in silence next to each other to the waiting room. Ava’s ears were ringing, and she was happy when Connor took the lead to explain how it went to Robin and Dr. Charles.

“Caroline’s doing well,” he looked at Ava for a second before continuing. “We hit a bit of a rough patch-“

Ava saw Robin’s eyes clouding and jumped in to console her.

“But we pulled it through. She’s absolutely fine. Your mother’s a fighter,” she assured the other woman with a small smile. Robin looked at her gratefully.

“Thank you,” Robin said earnestly and went in for a hug.

Ava squeezed her and when they pulled away, she saw an understanding look in Robin’s eyes. Ava nodded a bit and looked away, as Robin thanked Connor and gave him a hug as well. She looked at Dr. Charles who looked relieved, but she saw the underlying anger directed at her.

She avoided his eyes as well.

“I’m gonna go meet my mom in recovery,” Robin exclaimed with happy tears in her eyes and looked at Dr. Charles. “Dad.”

“Right behind you, honey,” the psychiatrist told her softly as she walked off before turning to them. “Thank you.”

The surgeons nodded and Ava tried not to feel too upset as he clapped Connor’s arm but ignored her as he made his way to the recovery room. Ava swiftly turned away with the intent to avoid Connor as much as possible for the forseeable future.

She barely moved before he grabbed her forearm and tugged her back harshly. Her throat felt dry and she felt herself tense.

“Don’t you ever put me in that position again.”

The voice was so threatening, and he sounded so much like his father. Ava swallowed and shrank back the second he released her arm and walked away. She watched him go and tried to steady her breathing.

She was so focused on that, that she didn’t even hear her name being called.

“Ava! You OK?”

She turned around and nodded before frowning a bit.

“Will is downstairs, I think…”

“Oh no – he already left without even letting me know,” Jay smirked but then give her a once over. “You sure you’re fine? That didn’t look very friendly.”

He said as he nodded towards the door behind which Connor disappeared and Ava couldn’t help herself but touch the arm he grabbed. She knew he wasn’t hurting her. But the action was.

“Something happened?” Now Jay sounded more like the detective he was, and Ava forced herself to smile and stop holding the arm protectively.

“Just a misunderstanding,” she said quietly before moving. Jay stepped right next to her.

“Well, since my brother ditched me, can I give you a ride?”

She smiled softly and nodded.

“That would be great.”


	8. The Tipping point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following (and diverting from) episode 4×17.
> 
> I love building a backstory for Ava and have her interacting (like a normal human being) with everyone in the show!
> 
> Also, thank you so so much for your support, it means a lot!

“Yeah, not gonna lie – I’m so glad he signed the deal. I mean, I love my brother, but the last few weeks had me realizing how many things he’s been doing since he was a kid, that still annoy me.”

Ava laughed lightly.

“That bad, huh?”

“You have no idea,” Jay shook his head but there was a slight smile on his face.

“Well, you need to kind of look away when he’s doing them,” she said. “Trust me, tomorrow you’re going to wonder, what’s missing.”

“I highly doubt that,” Jay snorted before turning more serious. His voice was still soft when he spoke. “Tell me, if I’m overstepping but… that sounds a lot like a personal experience.”

Ava bit her lip, looked away from the window and turned to him. He still followed the road with his eyes, but they strayed to hers occasionally.

“Yeah,” she admitted softly before turning her head to stare straight ahead. “I had a brother.”

She cleared her throat as she felt a lump forming there every time, she thought about him.

“Older brother,” she added with a faint smile. “He used to trash my things and throw the laundry I just washed into dirt. But…”

She swallowed and continued as the car slowly came to a stop beside her flat.

“He also broke my classmate’s bike when he made fun of my braces and beat up a guy that grabbed my ass while we were walking in the town.”

She turned to him, even though she was sure her eyes had that glassy look that promised a good cry. Jay still smiled and slowly put his hand on her forearm. Ava couldn’t help but appreciate his wariness.

“Sounds like a great brother.”

“He really was,” Ava nodded and sniffed. “Uhm. Car crash. That’s… that’s what happened.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. It’s been 5 years and you know – I’m so used to telling my patients or their families that it’ll get better in time, but there are still days when I don’t feel like it does.”

Jay’s thumb slowly rubbed her arm.

“That one I understand.”

Ava nodded and looked at him again.

“Well, thank you for the ride, Jay,” she spoke softly, but still gratefully, as she unbuckled her belt.

“Anytime,” was his earnest response, but before she could get out, he spoke again. “Ava, listen. I know it’s absolutely none of my business, and I don’t want to pressure you, but if there’s anything bothering you – please, let me know.”

She blinked at him, surprised at the fierceness of his statement.

“Jay, I-“

“Wait, please,” he stopped her before continuing. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But don’t dismiss it right this second, and think about it for a while, okay?”

He waited for her nod before pulling his hand away. Her thoughts were swirling in her head and some of the things, that have been haunting her for a while came to the forefront of her mind. She wanted to tell him so badly, but the words caught in her throat every time she thought they’d spill out.

“Thank you, Jay.” She said at last, before getting out of the car.

She didn’t turn back around, so she couldn’t see that knowing sadness displayed in his eyes.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

It seemed like an unspoken agreement between them.

Ava found every excuse she got to not leave the CT floor, while Connor spent most of his time in the ER or operating in the Hybrid OR. While she had missed her friends from the emergency department, she felt like she could breathe without looking over her shoulder every second.

Well, besides Beth who, upon realizing that Dr. Latham was not taking her complaint seriously, started a silent riot on the CT floor. Misplaced scalpel, rescheduled surgeries and losing Ava’s medical notes, for starters.

But Ava never let it get to her. It was actually truly satisfying watching the scrub nurse fume every time Ava ignored her childish game.

Three weeks after the disastrous surgery with Connor it even seemed like the gossip about her stopped being interesting. There were no more altercations between the CT surgeons and a lot of people that worked in Med saw her and Robin getting a coffee together every other day.

Connor was, as Robin put it, being childish and ignoring her as well. Her mom told her that he always checked up on her whenever Robin was out of the hospital. Robin had a great laugh when Caroline told them, but Ava could barely muster up a smile.

Still, she was checking up on Caroline as well – not only she felt responsible, but Caroline was also recovering on the CT floor. That way, she was briefed on the clinical trial that Caroline has been admitted to.

The surprising although a bit tentative friendship that started between Ava and Robin wasn’t the only refreshing thing in the surgeon’s life.

Matthew Casey started to be a constant in her life.

She used to get up in the morning to the text from him and they kept in touch throughout the day. She also agreed to his invite to get to Molly’s on one weekend when they both had a day off. His colleagues from Fire sure remembered her, which was nice as she didn’t have to worry about being left out from the group.

Slowly, Ava started to feel like maybe things could be OK.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I know you’re not a vet, but… hypothetically, how much ham is too much ham for a dog?

Ava smiled before responding.

Well, depends. Is it the high quality one from the butcher that Kelly gushes about?

She put her phone down and put her things in the locker before clipping her ID on. The phone vibrated when she put her stethoscope inside her pocket. She turned it on as she walked into ED.

I should probably forbid him from the kitchen.

“Well. What’s got you so smiley?”

Ava looked up into Maggie’s sparkling eyes and rolled her eyes a bit.

“Nothing.”

“Sure.” The nurse said unconvinced before turning serious. “Dr. Kovalevsky is on your floor with Dr. Latham who told me to ask you if it’s not a trouble for you to stay here for this shift?”

“Of course not,” Ava said a bit tightly and smiled at Maggie.

“Well, OK, I’ll let him know,” she said but added with a raised brow. “And if anyone bothers you – you’re telling me.”

The blonde smiled gratefully which seemed to be enough for Maggie as she immediately turned to the guy walking past them.

“Hey Don! I have some stretchers in the ambo bay, can you take care of them?”

Ava walked to the nurse’s station without hearing the rest of the conversation where she took one of the tablets to see what she’ll be up against today. She was pulled from her thoughts by a curt greeting.

“Morning.”

“Morning,” she answered indifferently without looking up from her work as he settled next to her.

Of course, they’ll have a shift together. Things could not get any worse.

“Hey.”

Well, she was wrong.

“Hey.”

She looked up as Connor greeted Robin who turned to Ava as well.

“Hey, Ava.”

“Hey, Robin,” Ava smiled a bit in greeting but swiftly avoided her gaze back to work as she saw Connor tensing next to her.

“So, I heard you’ve done a round on my mom this morning. How’s her new valve doing?”

Ava realized that Robin was trying to make amends with him, as she knew she told the young Charles about the valve two days ago. And by the way Connor’s voice was followed by a smile, she was succeeding.

“She’s looking great. I don’t foresee any problems.”

“Good.” Robin smiled before continuing with a happy lilt in her voice. “Oh, did you see the Vertical farming exhibit at Smart I told you about?”

He shook his head rather fondly as Robin continued.

“I’ve told you the future is aeroponics.”

“You get 120 days of rain. I don’t see us running out of water.”

“It’s not about the water. It’s about feeding 130 million new babies a year.”

“Okay.”

Ava considered making a run for it, but Robin saw her move and quickly pulled her into the conversation as well.

“Have you seen it?”

“No,” Ava shook her head. “But I’ll make a point to do.”

“Thank you,” Robin seemed pleased as she pointedly looked at Connor with her answer. “Obviously it’s over some people’s heads.”

Ava couldn’t help but chuckle since she was used to Robin’s kind of humor since they started their coffee breaks. Robin smirked while Connor looked unimpressed.

“It’s a vertical farming joke,” Robin explained to him patiently.

“No.”

“Yeah.”

“No, no, no.”

They both laughed with each other and Ava put down her tablet and moved to the ambo bay. She might as well help Don with the stretchers than stay here and watch them get it on with each other. Robin was too engrossed with the conversation while Connor pointedly ignored Ava, so she surely wouldn’t be missed.

Ava sighed but put on a smile as she saw Don pushing some of the stretchers.

“Hey, Don! I’ll give you a hand with those!” She called out to him in advance.

He lifted his head and yelled back to her with a smile.

“Thank you, nice doctor!”

She snorted, but before she stepped in the ambo bay, her phone vibrated in her pocket again. Ava stopped and moved to the side in case someone would want to walk past her and pulled out her phone to see a message from Matt.

Is it happening already? I stopped being hilarious, didn’t I?

Ava chuckled and went to quickly reply him but in the corner of her eye she saw a movement that caught her attention. She lifted her eyes and her heart stopped.  
A car headed straight to the ambo bay.

She felt her lips forming the words, but she couldn’t say them aloud. The fear just paralyzed her.

It only took a second.

The car crashed right through the open door and hit Don who was behind those stretchers. The building shook, as few pillars, vending machines and doors gave way to the force.

Ava instinctively jumped back as one of the lights came loose from the ceiling and put her hand to shield her face as the glass shattered and few pieces hit her bare forearm.  
Another second of silence before everything turned into chaos.

Ava finally shook herself out of the stupor and quickly moved towards the car where Don started screaming. She was almost beside the car when a yell stopped her.

“Ava! Watch out!”

She jumped back again as one of the doors fell down and shattered in pieces, thankfully not hitting her this time around.

“Help me! Please get me out!”

Don yelled out again from below the car that was still revving. It took all of her willpower not to turn around and run away but the doctor in her seemed to always win no matter the situation, as she moved forward again.

“Ava!”

She turned her head to the front of the ER where everyone seemed to be gathered and looked right at Connor, who yelled at her again.  
His worried tone surprised her.

“I’m good!” she called out back and moved right to the driver’s seat where she used all her strength to try and open the door.

Ethan and April meanwhile disappeared from her view as they crouched to get to Don who was still calling out for help. Connor appeared right next to her.

“It’s locked,” Ava growled frustratedly before giving up on trying to use sheer force.

Connor tried to open it manually as well, but he was as unsuccessful as she was. Ava looked up as she heard Maggie call out to them.

“I got an idea!”

She quickly moved to the corner of the room where she picked up a helium bottles which she handed to Connor. Ava immediately moved out of his way as he moved to smash it through the window behind the passenger’s door.

Maggie disappeared with another yell.

“I’m calling Fire!”

Ava jumped back into action as Connor swiftly unlocked the door and opened it. She moved past him and inside the car.

“Kill the engine, stay with him!” He instructed her before hurrying to Ethan and April.

“Got it,” she said before turning to the patient. “Sir? I’m Dr. Bekker, can you hear me?”

She quickly grabbed the car keys when she didn’t get a response and moved the man with utmost care to a sitting position of sorts. Ava grimaced a bit as she saw his face and put her fingers on his neck. She felt his racing pulse as well as his haggard breathing.

“Thank you,” she said to the nurse that brought her a C collar that they both carefully put on the man. Ava pulled her stethoscope out of her pocket and put it to the man’s chest.

His leg suddenly moved a bit and she put her hand on his thigh to stop him from moving. It didn’t really help as the car still jolted in place.

“Hey! Be careful up there!” She heard Ethan yell from below, but her answer was only a slight growl.

Like she wasn’t trying.

Within a few seconds, Connor appeared next to her again.

“Sir? Sir, can you hear me?”

She pulled the stethoscope over her neck before turning to Connor.

“He’s got a lot of diastolic rumble.”

“Could be an embolic stroke,” he continued her assessment.

She nodded. “Could mean he passed out while driving.”

Ava pulled herself up and yelled out to the nurse that brought her the C collar.

“We need to get him up to CT!”

The nurse nodded and sprung to action. Connor touched her forearm which made her realize how close they were in this cramped space.

“You OK?” He asked as he looked at the few scraps of glass embedded in her skin.

She looked down and nodded.

“It’s nothing.”

Then she moved around him, and he yelled out.

“OK, let’s move him.”

Meanwhile Maggie got back as she appeared next to Ava.

“Get the gurney in here!”

She nodded thankfully at Maggie before ducking back inside the car next to Connor.

“On three?”

“Yeah,” she agreed.

“OK – one, two three!”

They both pulled the man up and jostled him a bit before laying him down on the gurney. Ava painfully registered as the pieces of glass moved deeper in her skin. She clenched her teeth and pushed the gurney with everyone else towards the elevators.

Before they left, Connor called out to Ethan.

“Ethan, page me, when you’re ready to move Don, okay?”

“Yeah!”

They quickly moved through the now vacated hall before entering the lift. Ava punched the right button to the CT floor before leaning on the wall and closing her eyes for a second. Now that the adrenaline started to fade, her arm was making itself painfully known.

With gritted teeth Ava opened her eyes to look at the injury. Thankfully, she was not bleeding anymore, but there was only a little bit of blood to start with. But even with the knowledge, the surgeon quickly surveyed the man on the gurney before turning to one of the nurses riding with them.

“Once we get to CT, disinfect him thoroughly, please,” she asked the nurse who quickly nodded.

“None of your blood got onto him, Ava,” Connor assured her quietly and Ava lifted her head in surprise from hearing his almost friendly tone.

“Maybe.” Ava nodded hesitantly. “But I’m not taking the risk.”

Even though her blood results were OK through every visit, there was still a slight chance that she could test positive.

“Okay – then you should get your arm checked while I take him for the scan, and we can meet up after?” he suggested.

Ava pondered on that thought for a second before nodding in agreement and moving back, just as they stopped at the CT floor and everyone grabbed the gurney to hurry the patient for scan. She watched them as they rounded the corner before taking off in the direction of Dr. Latham’s office.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Thank you, Dr. Latham, I… didn’t mean to barge in on you like that-“

“No worries, Dr. Bekker – I’m glad you weren’t seriously hurt,” he waved away her concerns as he secured the bandage around her forearm. “You should visit the pharmacy as well for the pain.”

“I will,” she sighed before quickly picking up her phone where she opened the report from the scan. “I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”

“Of course,” he offered her a hand which she took with a smile. “Please, be careful, Dr. Bekker.”

“I’ll try,” Ava said with a smile as she opened the door and head back to her patient.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Mr. Nichols,” Connor addressed the patient when they came in the room together. “I’m Dr. Rhodes. This is Dr. Bekker.”

Ava rounded the bed and smiled at the man as he looked up to her.

“How are you feeling?” Connor asked taking a stand on his other side.

“Ugh, sore. But okay,” the patient answered to which Connor nodded. The man bit his lip before continuing. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I was getting numb and dizzy and I just wanted to get here…”

“And you passed out while you were driving?” Connor filled in for him questioningly.

The man sighed in agreement and Connor continued.

“Mr. Nichols, your scans showed that you have a tumor growing in your heart,” he informed the man gravely and put the tablet in front of him before continuing with the explanation. “It’s called the myxoma. Now, it is most likely benign, which means that it won’t spread into the rest of your body, but it is large enough, that pieces are breaking off and causing you to have small strokes.”

The man looked at the tablet and then back art Connor.

“So how do you fix it?”

“Normally we would remove it surgically but yours has grown extremely large,” Ava answered patiently so he turned his head to her.

“We would like to put you in the transplant list,” Connor added to her explanation to which Ava nodded. “Find you a new healthy heart.”

“Couldn’t that take a while?” Mr. Nichols asked worriedly. “What if I have another stroke? I could die.”

“Removing the tumor is a very difficult procedure,” Ava said kindly. “If we try and we’re unsuccessful, your body won’t be able to tolerate the transplant later on.”

“But it’s possible you could get it all out?” He asked hopefully and rather reasonably.

“It’s possible,” Ava conceded. “But-“

“Then let’s do it,” Mr. Nichols jumped in and she saw Connor in the corner of her eye shaking his head.

“Mr. Nichols, I appreciate how eager you are to take care of this, but I…,” Connor explained and looked briefly at Ava, who nodded, before continuing. “…we would advise against that.”

“This thing almost killed me today,” the man shook his head and gave the tablet back to Connor. “So, please, take it out.”

Connor turned to Ava with obviously unhappy look, but Ava turned back to patient who, ultimately, had the right to decide for himself.

“Well, the risks are significant. Very significant,” she pointed out and put a hand on his arm. “But, if you’d prefer to take them – of course we’d do everything we can to fix this.”

“Yes,” he nodded and put his calloused hand on Ava’s. “Thank you.”

“Yeah,” Ava smiled and squeezed his hand before pulling away. “I’ll bring up the plan and come back to you to go through everything, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you so much.”

Ava nodded and moved out of the room while Connor turned to their patient again before following her.

“Okay then.”

She moved outside and turned back around when Connor addressed her.

“Ava, you realize what we are committing ourselves to?”

“I do,” she sighed and looked through the glass at the patient. “But it’s a chance for him.”

“We get one shot at opening him up,” Connor continued, and she turned back to him. “If we’d do it and won’t succeed, he’s gonna die.”

“Yeah. But I trust you and I know we are more than capable to pull through,” she said and added. “We can do it.”

Her phone started buzzing in her pocket more insistently, so she pulled it out and sent a half-smile to Connor.

“Sorry, I have to take this.”

With that she quickly walked away and answered.

“Ava? You okay?”

Her smiled turned more genuine as she walked into one of the empty on-call rooms and closed the door behind her.

“Yeah, Matt, I’m fine,” she answered as she sat down on the bed. “Sorry I wasn’t able to get back to you, it was a bit hectic here.”

“Figured,” the fireman chuckled, and his tone was lighter. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“So am I,” she replied a bit teasingly before turning more serious. “You actually saved my life.”

“What do you mean?” he asked a bit confused.

“Well,” Ava sighed as she pulled a tablet from the table closer to herself to start on Mr. Nichols operating plan. “You’ve texted me just as I was heading to the ambo bay. I stopped to text you back before the car ran through.”

She typed a few information in before asking.

“Matt? Are you there?”

“Yeah, yeah, just… I’m really glad you’re okay.”

Ava stopped typing and swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Guess I owe you a big thank you.”

“Well, if you insist – how about dinner tomorrow?”

She froze and gripped her phone tightly in her hand. Going out with him and his friends was different than going alone. Was he asking her out on a date or was he just concerned about her wellbeing as a friend?

“Dinner?” she repeated a bit dumbly.

“You can thank me in person AND I can actually make sure you’re okay,” he explained, and she could hear his smile.

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to, obviously,” was his kind reassurance once he heard the hesitation in her voice. She could slightly hear a siren coming on in the background. “Sorry, gotta go. How about you just think about it? And then you can give me a call when you decide?”

“Sure. I will,” she promised quickly.

“Great,” Matt chuckled. “Talk to you soon, then. Please be careful, Ava.”

“You too.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Once he hung up, she placed her phone on the bed next to her and stared at it for a while, trying to make sense of everything. She bit her lip and drummed her fingers nervously along the tablet.

She got to know Matt in the few weeks. More than she knew Connor in a year, apparently… That thought made her shake her head.

She’ll think about it. But right now, she needed to talk to Mr. Nichols and get ready for the surgery.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

As she walked into the OR with Connor, her mind was still turning back to the conversation with Matt, even though she scolded herself internally many times. Her colleague must have noticed that she was a bit lost in her thoughts, as he kept glancing at her.

The surgery started easy enough but soon they were getting obstacles in. Ava swore softly under her breath as she was unable to move swiftly.

“I can’t get in,” she said out loud. “Retract the atrium.”

Connor did as she asked but added drily.

“That’s as far back as it’s gonna go.”

Ava moved her hands to get a few angles, but she couldn’t get to the tumor the way she wanted.

“I can’t get around it,” she confessed frustratedly before noticing the size of the tumor. “Dammit. The tumor’s extended too far to the oracle.”

“And into the bowl and the SA node.” Connor added rather unhelpfully given the circumstances.

She fixed him a look to which he answered.

“I don’t see how we’re ever gonna get the margins clear.”

“You mean we have to close him back up?” she asked.

“No,” he shook his head. “We can’t close him back up. He’s never gonna survive another procedure. We need to fix this today.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” she asked him with the same sort of frustration.

The OR was eerily silent again and everyone was watching the two of them very closely. Connor seemed to realize that too.

“Let me try it from here,” he suggested in calmer voice.

Ava exchanged the tools with him without a question. Connor turned to the resident next to him.

“Retract the atrium.”

“Yes sir. Forceps.”

As she grabbed the tool, Connor showed her the place where he wanted her.

“Right here.”

Before anyone could do anything, another nurse came in.

“Dr. Rhodes? They’re ready to extract the patient from under the car.”

Ava looked at Connor and nodded. She knew they have to move quickly with Don.

“Okay,” Connor said to the nurse and turned back to Ava. “Keep dissecting. It’s the only option we have.”

She nodded again and reached for the tool herself. Connor backed away and Ava motioned to the resident to take his place. Once the door closed, she looked up to the doctor in front of her.

“Okay. We’re going just as we did, but if you’ll think of something, don’t be afraid to say it out loud. This is a hard situation and every idea is appreciated.”

The woman nodded and picked up the dissector as well.

“Good. Start on the left and we’ll meet in the middle.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Marty, time?”

“45 minutes.”

Ava let out a long breath as she cut out another part of the tumor. In front of her was another resident who was looking on the surgery and rotated with his colleague. They even offered Ava to take a breather, but she knew she couldn’t stop now.

Especially since it was her who planted the idea to Mr. Nichols’ head.

“Take another break,” she advised the resident who nodded in thanks.

Before the residents could trade places the door opened again and Connor rounded the table.

“How’s Don?” Ava immediately asked in a hushed and worried tone as she was dutifully dissecting.

“We’ll see,” Connor answered truthfully before grabbing the hooks to look at the heart. “You took a good chunk of the tumor.”

Ava’s eyes drifted to the bowl next to her for a second.

“Not really. It’s gonna take a while, but I can at least rotate a bit,” she told him before carefully lifting the heart. “See? In this place we could probably re-circulate the blood from one of the arteries. It might be risky to partially cut out the heart, but the atrium is big enough to function well.”

She put the heart back and went for the dissector, but Connor put his hand on hers which made her look up.

“Actually, I’ve got something.”

“Okay?”

“We’re gonna remove the tumor outside of his body.”

The silence washed over the operating room again, safe for the beeping machines. The residents were looking at Connor with wide eyes. Ava cleared her throat before asking.

“What?”

“Yeah. Robin’s coworker in Minesotta figured some procedure out. I think we should try it.”

“Was it published somewhere?”

“Are we really gonna rate the possibly life-saving idea?” he asked a bit angrily.

“No,” Ava frowned. “I am asking, because I haven’t heard about it yet. Are they at least making trials?”

“The results are good.”

“But not academically proven.”

“Do you need everything certified by a highly paid association?”

“No. But you’re suggesting a risky procedure-“

“Like you haven’t?”

She glared at him.

“The dissection IS working.”

“Because you got lucky.”

“Have you suddenly excluded yourself from this surgery without anyone’s notice?” she asked sarcastically.

“You just don’t like this idea, because Robin suggested it.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw the scrub nurses having a blast because of this. She took a breath and put down the dissector.

“Fine. Go ahead.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

As the heart was transferred onto the ice, she started to question herself. Was she supposed to put her foot down?

“I really don’t like this,” she reminded Connor out loud.

“You have a better idea?” he contorted.

Not anymore, she thought bitterly to herself.

“You don’t know how you’re going to restart his heart,” she told him seriously.

“Let’s focus on right now.”

She sighed.

“I don’t care that Robin suggested it,” she said at last. “I’m only saying that she is not a thoracic surgeon. You do understand where I’m coming from, don’t you?”

He stopped and looked at her.

“I trust her.”

And with that he turned back to work. Ava swallowed her pride and let the hurt burn right through her. This surgery, then she’ll be out.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“You know that there’s no published data on intracardiac pace-making in replanted hearts,” Ava pointed out as she glumly looked at Connor who was slowly piecing the heart back inside Mr. Nichols’ chest.

“I’m aware,” he told her with an icy look before refocusing on the heart again.

Ava nodded to herself and continued.

“So, do you have a plan for what to do if it doesn’t catch?” she voiced her main concern.

He looked up again and for a few seconds they stared at each other.

“No.” he admitted. Then he looked back down. “OK, here we go.”

Ava put her hand on one of the cross clamps and turned to Connor who nodded. She pulled the clamp away and everyone held their breath while looking at the heart.

Five seconds.

Then the heart started beating.

“Well, would you look at that,” Connor said with unconcealed sarcasm to which Ava lifted her head.

Connor was looking behind her, so she turned as well. Robin was smiling behind the glass, eyes solely on Connor. Ava turned back around and ordered one of the residents next to her.

“Alright, we still have a lot of work to do. Let’s get him of the bypass.”

“Yes, doctor.”

Ava nodded and grabbed her tools again. She held her breath waiting for him to say something, but in a few seconds, he joined her without any other comment.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Hey April,” Ava said quietly as she neared the nurse looking through the glass.

The woman in question quickly turned around and Ava gasped in surprise as she was immediately tackled in a hug.

“Are you okay?!” the nurse asked urgently and squeezed her a bit tighter when Ava finally reciprocated the gesture.

“Yeah, just a few scratches,” the surgeon assured before leaning back a bit and nodding into the patient behind the glass. “How’s Don?”

“They’ve set his pelvis back. He’s probably gonna make a full recovery,” April said with a small smile.

“Thank god,” Ava breathed out and they both looked back at their coworker.

“April?”

Both of them turned to Ethan who was walking to them. His gaze flickered to Ava’s arm, so she spoke without prompting.

“I’m good, just a few scratches. I’ll grab the pain mads on my way out – your concern is appreciated.”

They all chuckled, and Ava hugged April once again before heading off with a quiet goodnight to both of them. She walked through the post-op wing and peaked into the locker room where she and Connor resided but didn’t find him there.

He probably headed to Mr. Nichols and waited for her there.

As she made her way through the empty hallway and neared Mr. Nichols’ room, she heard laughter from the inside. Her steps sowed down as she peeked in through the glass.

Robin and Connor were laughing together with Mr. Nichols. Ava bit her lip and turned back around, almost running back to the locker room where she sat down.  
Despite everything, he didn’t have any right to exclude her from the post-op check-up.

She stood up and paced the floor for a while before angrily storming to her locker and opening it. She got changed and then packed aggressively. Still vibrating with anger, she slammed the locker door shut and leaned back against it.

She looked at her watch before crossing her arms, gaze fixed on the door. Ava didn’t have to wait long. Connor walked in with the last traces of laughter still on his face. That immediately dropped as he spotted Ava.

Without another glance to her, he headed to his own locker.

“Going to our patient alone? Seriously?” she asked him bluntly and tried to ignore the way his shoulders tensed at the sound of her voice.

“I made the round quicker than you. Also, Robin wanted to see Mr. Nichols,” he said tonelessly without looking at her.

“Yeah. She couldn’t have possibly waited five minutes for me to join you, right?” Ava said sarcastically which earned her a long sigh.

“What’s your problem now, Ava?” he asked in a still eerily calm voice.

“My problem is that you seem to exclude me when it’s convenient for you,” she answered and took a step to him. “I’m keeping things professional – meaning, if WE have a patient, then WE consult. Together. I don’t cast you out because of our personal issues.”

“Suddenly you’re eager to play team?” he asked drily as he closed the locker and looked at her. “Are you sure it’s not to just get higher stats?”

She narrowed her eyes at him.

“I was thinking about our patient when you suddenly suggested an idea that you didn’t bother to consult with anyone from the CT!”

“And there it is!” he shook his head and crossed his arms as well. “You just can’t stand the fact, that it was Robin and not you, who figured a way out.”

“That is not true. Unlike you, I was more worried about Mr. Nichols, since that procedure was never verified, therefore dangerous!”

“And you were not confident you can pull him through?” he threw back her own words.

Ava shook her head as well.

“Believe it or not – no,” she said angrily. “No, because this wasn’t about our skills. This was about a medical procedure, that you read a few minutes before getting in the OR! And that is YOUR signature move, isn’t it?!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” he snapped at her, but Ava stood her ground.

“That you just keep taking risks in the OR! Ever since that twin surgery-“

“Oh, here we go again! Are you ever gonna get over the fact, that Mayo offered the place to me and not you?” he interrupted her angrily.

“Well clearly, I’m not a goddamn risk taker, that they would like to see, as you are!” Ava hissed at him before scoffing. “When I offered Caroline to do the surgery, you called me arrogant and selfish. But once YOU do the same thing, suddenly it’s okay!”

“So, being confident is now a bad thing? But you didn’t take the risk because of confidence. You just had to find another way to get back at me, because you’re jealous of Robin.”

“You clearly don’t know me at all,” she spat out. “But it doesn’t matter because you don’t trust me, right?”

“You don’t give me any reason to do so,” he snapped back.

Ava huffed disbelievingly.

“Right.” She said and grabbed her bag. “Even if I tried, you wouldn’t care enough to look for it.”

With that she turned around and walked out of the room. The whole journey from the CT floor and elevator ride was a nightmare. Everyone seemed to get back into hating her from the distance. Because of that, she decided to leave the hospital through the ambo bay, so she wouldn’t bump into anyone.

As she walked past the debris and totaled car still there, she stopped for a second before resuming her walk. Once Ava got outside, she took a deep breath, pulled out her   
phone and pressed Matt’s contact. For a few painful seconds, the phone kept ringing, before the fireman answered.

“Hi, Ava.”

“Hi,” she greeted back and before she could talk herself out of it, continued. “So. Dinner. Are we talking something fancy or casual?”


	9. Never safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're moving onto S04E18.  
> I'm starting to divert from the cannon rather significantly while trying to stay on the timeline.
> 
> Ava's going on a date with Matt and gets some news. She's also going to face her fears again for the first time in a long time, when the Board meeting escalates...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay and a short chapter, but school and work has been wearing me out.
> 
> I truly hope you're all safe out there! Sending lots of love to you and thank you for staying tuned!

The worst thing about it was that she initially felt relieved, when Matt suggested a casual dinner. If he wanted to go to some very expensive restaurant, she would have to put a lot of effort to her looks – and of course, pick the right dress.

Going to a sandwich club near Navy Pier was supposed to make her choice a lot easier.

But instead she took more than thirty minutes picking the right outfit, that would look casual but not too shabby. She was mad at herself because at the end of it, she went with her favorite jeans and long-sleeved shirt.

Matt arrived just in time before she could question her clothes once again, so she only grabbed her bag and a jacket on the way out. She locked the building’s front door and smiled at him as she hopped inside his truck and buckled herself in.

“Hi. Thank you for coming to get me here – I could’ve-“

“Yes, you could’ve taken the bus. Or walked, as I know you,” he finished for her fondly as he stepped on the gas and looked at her with a smile. “Hi. So, you’re in one piece.”

“Like I’ve already told you before,” she teased with a smirk, that elicited a sigh from him.

“Oh, you’re definitely alright,” he rolled his eyes with a smile.

“And how are you?”

He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel and frowned lightly.

“Well, could’ve been better.”

“Something happened?” she asked kindly.

“I’ve been quite harsh on Herrmann today,” he admitted with a sigh.

“Did you apologize?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“And he accepted your apology?”

“Yeah, but-“

“Then maybe you shouldn’t worry about it anymore. Herrmann’s not a guy that would hold a grudge against you. And since you apologized, I think you both should put it behind you,” she said and added a bit sheepishly, when they stopped at a red light at Matt stared at her. “I mean, if you want my advice…”

“Ava,” he interrupted her seriously in a warm voice. “I always want your opinion.”

She blushed and glared at him slightly to keep her dignity. He only grinned in return.

“You might not realize it, but you’re actually great at giving advices.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“I can’t believe you’ve been missing this view for so long.”

Ava shrugged but her lips curved into a smile at his disbelieving tone.

“I haven’t really had much time for myself… lately,” she admitted and pointed to a vacant bench. “Mind if we stop here? So I can thoroughly enjoy the scenery?”

He snorted but nodded with a smile and they sat down on the bench with cups of black coffee in their hands. Ava looked into the distance and fully took in both the city and the lake. She shivered slightly as the wind bore into her and her fingers grasped the hot drink more tightly.

“It’s not as breathtaking as the Atlantic back in Cape Town, but I guess it has its charm,” she smirked as she saw him shaking his head while pretending to be annoyed with her.

“Of course you’d say that.”

“Well, there’s nothing much to look at,” she shrugged. “The city’s basically the same with all those skyscrapers.”

“I don’t think you appreciate Chicago enough. You can drive back, so maybe you’d pay more attention to your surroundings,” he said in jest, but Ava froze and her smile disappeared.

She wasn’t used to be with someone who could so easily pick up on her mood, so she didn’t hide her reaction quickly enough.

“Ava?”

“Sorry,” she said with a grimace. “I don’t… I mean I can drive, but I… don’t.”

She could see the questions in her eyes, so it surprised her, when he simply said: “OK.”

“You don’t wanna know why?” Ava couldn’t help herself but ask.

Matt smiled at that.

“Not If you don’t feel comfortable telling me that.”

She looked away from his warm eyes and her fingers drummed nervously at the cup in her hands. It surprised her that she wasn’t opposed to telling him the truth.

“I got my license when I was… 19, I think,” she mused out loud. “I was such a control freak behind the wheel. I stopped at every crosswalk even though there wasn’t anyone. I was never speeding. And you know how they teach you to put your hands on the steering wheel based on the clockwork? Yeah, I couldn’t drive before everything was in a perfect order.”

She chuckled and shook her head before turning serious.

“In my last year of Med school, I’ve been driving my brother around a lot. We always argued because he basically made me his chauffeur. I’ve been studying for one of the last exams one night and my brother was out again, as always. I told him not to bother me that day, but I knew that he’d call me to get a lift and I’ll come and get him anyway.”

Her lips twitched slightly at the memory of her brother’s cheeky smile.

“He called, obviously, at like 2 AM. I was up studying still, but even if I didn’t have to study, I know I’d still wait up on him to text me. I was really worried about him, all the time – even though he was the older one,” she smiled briefly. “When I got to him that night, he was barely tipsy – he never got hammered, as far as I know. We were joking – well, he was making fun of me. Said I was driving like a grandpa. I told him he could walk if he wants to.”

Her breath hitched and she sniffed but the emotion didn’t disappear. Matt hasn’t said a word but outstretched his hand, palm up, towards her. She took it gratefully and lightly squeezed in thanks.

“I stopped at the crossroad and when the light went green, I tapped the gas, and he was… He was joking about one of his friends and I turned to him slightly, to tell him that he’s an idiot, but…,” she closed her eyes and continued wetly. “I saw bright light, a big lorry smashed into the passenger’s side. I didn’t… I didn’t see my brother. That’s my last though of that night. Weird right?”

She opened her eyes and looked at Matt through the tears.

“I just… There are moments, where I don’t even remember his face, I just see this bright light, and I have to pull up his picture, just so I can look at him. And-“ she cut herself off with a sob and Matt closed the distance between them and engulfed her in a hug.

Ava cried for a long time, but it felt different. She wasn’t able to tell the whole story to her therapist – it felt too impersonal. With Matt, she didn’t feel like she burdened him with her issues.

He sat there, not saying a word, just slightly rocking her and rubbing her back as she cried her pain away.

When she felt composed enough, she pulled away and gratefully took the tissue he offered, blew her nose and wiped her tears. As she opened her mouth, he stopped her gently.

“Don’t apologize,” he said. And then added gently. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Thank you,” she whispered and cleared her throat. “When I woke up in the hospital, the police told me, the driver T-boned us. My parents sued him, and he’s been paying us ever since the judge approved of the fine.”

She shook her head and looked back at Matt.

“I used the money from him and from my insurance to pay for the schooling. My mother… she got so angry when she found out. We got into an argument and both ended up saying really hurtful things. I apologized for what I’ve said to her, but she didn’t want to listen to me unless I get the money back,” she told him and smiled ruefully.   
“Obviously, I couldn’t get the money back, and I wouldn’t do it, even if I could.”

She searched his face for any sign of disagreement, but he only looked invested in her words, so she continued.

“So, she told me to get out of her house and never come back,” she squeezed his hand when his brow furrowed. She wanted to tell him the whole story first. “I packed my things, said goodbye to my dad and moved in with Reike, my colleague at the time. She studied Psychology, so I had sessions for free.”

They both smiled and Ava sighed.

“I haven’t talked to her since that day. My dad visited and we talked, but it wasn’t the same. They got divorced two months later after I left. I didn’t ask my dad what happened, but I told him, that if he ever needed to talk about it, I’d listen. Two years into my residency, I got the offer from Dr. Latham. I didn’t even hesitated.”

“And your dad stayed?” He asked the first question after the long silence from him.

Ava nodded and felt a bittersweet smile creep up on her face.

“I feel like it made our relationship stable again. When I was in Africa, our meetings were this required ordeal we had to go through. Now, we just call each other randomly – he once called me because he won Squash against his childhood sworn enemy.”

Matt chuckled and Ava sighed with a smile. They sat for a while in a silence, hands still clasped together, before Matt broke the silence again.

“What was his name?”

Ava swallowed a bit harshly before answering.

“Luan. He was 27.”

Matt nodded.

“I’m truly sorry, Ava. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if something happened to Christie,” he admitted pensively.

“I hope you never have to go through that. It…,” she sighed, grabbed her bag and slowly got up, while letting go of his hand. She looked into the distance. “It messed me up. Pretty badly, actually.”

She turned around to find him watching her intently. He was resting his elbows on his knees, body leaning towards her.

“I went to therapy,” she gulped harshly and wringed her hands. She immediately stopped as she noticed her nervous tick. “I still go sometimes.”

Matt’s face remained serious, but his eyes softened.

“Nothing wrong with that,” he told her with conviction and his eyes flickered with emotions. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my mom. She… well, she killed my father when she’s finally had enough of… of his abuse. I didn’t take it very well as I was in the dark on what actually happened. Me and Christie grew distant… What I’m trying to say, I’ve been to therapy as well.”

Ava took it all in and reached out to him. He took her hand and got up as well. She squeezed his hand.

“I’m sorry,” she spoke in a quiet soft voice.

“Yeah. But I believe that everything happens for a reason. Helps us grow into better people.”

Ava couldn’t help herself.

“You sure you didn’t steal that from the fortune cookie?”

He snorted and pulled at her hand while she was chuckling. Their eyes met and Ava became painfully aware how close they were standing, still hand in hand.

They quieted down. Ava turned her head upwards and Matt’s eyes dropped to her lips for a second. She held her breath and when it seemed like he would lean down for a kiss, her phone started ringing. She cursed under her breath to which she saw him smile as she backed away and started searching for her phone.

Dr. Ramirez

Ava felt her heart drop and Matt frowned as he saw her tense up.

“Who is it?”

“Um… Dr. Ramirez. My HIV tests…,” she was able to get out and at his encouraging nod, she answered the call. “Hello, Dr. Ramirez.”

“Oh, hello, Dr. Bekker! I’m so sorry to call you this late but you’ve put down a request to be called as soon as the results would be in,” Dr. Ramirez rapidly spoke and judging from the noise, she was still running around her lab.

“Yes. So, what’s the verdict?”

“Every single one of them were negative – you’re cleared. Congratulations! You can flush those nasty pills down the drain! Actually… that was a joke. Please, bring the unused pills back to the hospital,” the young woman on the other end laughed.

Ava closed her eyes and felt her lips twitch into a smile.

“I will. Thank you, Dr. Ramirez and have a nice evening.”

“You too, Dr. Bekker! Goodnight!”

“Goodnight.”

She pulled the phone down and turned to Matt who was smiling slightly but raised a brow to confirm his guess.

“Negative!”

Ava smiled brightly as she said it out loud, laughed with delight and jump right into his arms. He caught her easily and circled his arms around her waist as she buried her face in his neck and took a shuddery breath.

His hands tightened a bit.

“So,” he murmured fondly into her hair. “Are we getting a drink?”

“I am, mister driver,” she said smugly and laughed at his playfully offended spluttering.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ava knew that she shouldn’t have expected the luck to be on her side for longer than a week.

This time, it was Gwen Garrett, who destroyed the momentary peace in her life with a Board meeting.

Because Ava wasn’t intervening with the politics happening in the inner circle of the Board members, didn’t mean she wasn’t aware about it or cautious towards the decisions made there. Staying out of all the flaunting was always the smarter choice unless it concerned her or the patients.

Lately, she had to shamefully admit to herself that she was avoiding the part of the hospital where these men resided in. She could barely deal with one Rhodes crossing her path daiy. Just thinking about Cornelius Rhodes made her skin crawl.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t hide from him forever, as she was the attending and Gwen wasn’t very happy, when it was always Dr. Latham who spoke on behalf of the whole CT floor. Meaning, she “advised” Ava to take part in one of the meetings.

Ava agreed mostly because she wasn’t sure how to explain her unwillingness to attend the Board meetings to Dr. Latham. Another part of her wanted to finally gain the courage to be in the same room as that man.

As she was following Gwen inside, her eyes quickly scanned her surroundings. A few of the men sent a nod or a small smile her way, but most of them looked already bored and glanced right past her. Which was fine by her.

“Thank you all for coming today,” interrupted her survey Gwen and Ava quickly looked for a place to sit at the table.

“I’m sure you can squeeze in with us, Dr. Bekker.”

She turned her head to Rhodes Sr. who gave her one of his press smiles and patted the seat next him. Ava felt everyone look her way, so she walked over with steady steps but her heart in a throat and sat down in between him and Sharon Goodwin, who greeted her with a smile that she barely reciprocated.

The surgeon forced herself to sit still and her gaze was fixated on Gwen as she spoke. Even though she wasn’t looking at him, every fiber of her being was painfully aware of him and her hands anxiously gripped her notes tighter.

That is why she almost jumped out of her seat when Cornelius suddenly interrupted Gwen.

“I know Med is not a for-profit organization, but this report?” He laughed and Ava moved a bit more towards Sharon.

“If my board saw numbers like this, they’d be calling for a vote of no-confidence.” He added with sovereignty as he glanced over to Gwen who smiled despite the metaphorical daggers in her eyes aimed at him.

“Mr. Rhodes, you can see that one reason for our fiscal issues is the ED’s Hybrid room, which you,” she smiled sweetly, “only partially funded.”

Ava swallowed thickly as the man next to her laughed and drummed his fingers on the table.

“I think the rest of the board would agree with me,” he said and conspirationaly looked around the table. “that my contributions have been more than generous. Don’t you think so, Dr. Bekker?”

He turned to her suddenly and she forced herself to speak.

“The hospital surely appreciates your donation-“

“See?” He cut her off without care and attacked Gwen again. “In fact, what I’m seeing, is a lot of your pet projects not working out so well. Let’s look at the refurbishment of the VIP wing. Lot of empty beds there.”

Gwen curtly nodded and looked at everyone else.

“After Dr. Downey’s death, we became less of a destination hospital for our CT patients. We’re still under the process of rebranding. To which, I might add, helped Dr. Bekker, who’ll give us a run down about some important milestones our hospital has passed in the last few weeks.”

Gwen nodded with a sharp smile to Ava and looked rather coldly at Cornelius.

“And your son, of whom you must be very proud of for his accomplishments here, contributed to our status as well.”

The board interrupted in soft murmurs and Gwen stopped them by turning to Sharon.

“And in the meantime, since you were such a vocal advocate for the Hybrid OR, Sharon, it seems only fair, that you should find cuts in other departments to make up for some of our losses.”

“Well, I would certainly take a look,” Sharon answered but intensely looked at everyone around the table. “But I hate to put us in a legal jeopardy or lose our reputation as the premiere medical center of the mid-west.”

“Well said, Sharon,” congratulated her Rhodes and leaned a bit over Ava, who moved out of the way. “Very well said.”

Rhodes then leaned over more to speak directly to Gwen.

“We certainly wouldn’t want that.”

“Of course,” Gwen smiled and turned away. “We’re going to discuss our financing on the CT floor, which I believe would be best explained from Dr. Bekker. Shall we?”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ava was never happier to leave a room as she did after the meeting. Surprisingly, Gwen almost knocked her over, as she herself hurried out of the door after checking her messages. From the looks of it, Ava would bet it was something worth a lot of thousands of dollars.

Her phone vibrated inside her coat pocket and she moved to the side, so she wasn’t in the way of the leaving board members and checked her phone. Her eyes lit up as she opened a photo of sleeping Tuesday with her head propped on a firefighter’s helmet.  
Ava smiled.

“Very nice speech you gave in there, Dr. Bekker.”

She jumped at the voice and quickly turned around and moved away from the man standing way too close to her. Her smiled disappeared immediately.

“My apologies – didn’t mean to startle you,” Cornelius explained unapologetically with a wolfish smile.

Ava curtly nodded and took a step to the left to walk past him but stopped when he moved as well. She stiffened as he exaggeratedly sniffed the air.

“New perfume?”

“That is absolutely none of your business,” Ava hissed at him without caring for the fact, that he was successfully trying to make her angry. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a scheduled surgery.”

He took a step towards her and his eyes sparkled as she automatically took a step back.

“Well, I’ve heard that one of the empty VIP beds will be finally used today. I’m actually surprised that Mrs. Garrett didn’t recommend you to be on that surgery instead of your boring one.”

Ava narrowed her eyes, even though she felt a pang of anger at the implications.

“This may come to you as a surprise, since you hardly care about that, but no surgery is boring to me,” she said rather coldly.

He only smiled condescendingly at her words.

“Well, then I guess it’s my son’s lucky day.” His smile widened as the anger flashed through Ava’s eyes. “You are so generous with sharing, Dr. Bekker.”

She pushed down the disgusted shudder and moved around him without another word, but he grabbed her arm. Ava felt panic course through her body as she trashed her hand fiercely, and felt a scream building inside her throat, when he suddenly let go of her.

“Easy there. You’re like a skittish horse today,” he chuckled.

Ava took a step towards him even though she wanted to run away.

“Don’t touch me again,” she warned him, but her voice trembled a bit.

His eyes flashed and his smile widened.

“I like a challenge.”

“I mean it. Stay away from me,” Ava said sharply.

“Now, now,” he smirked. “Don’t be like that. I can get you in on that surgery.”

“Last time you did something for me, you–“

She felt her breath hitch and took a step back as she felt crowded by him. It should have made her angry, the way he was obviously amused by this situation, but she felt only panic and fear clawing at her throat.

“We had fun the last time.”

Her eyes widened.

“You tried to–“

“We had a very nice dinner,” he interrupted her. “And you were very persistent to come to my office after.”

“I didn’t!” she blurted out desperately. “It was you, who–“

“We agreed and you left.”

She was too stunned to object or move. He smiled tauntingly again.

“You came to me to negotiate, Dr. Bekker. Remember that,” he raised his brows and walked around her to the elevator.

“That wasn’t what happened,” Ava found her voice and he turned around to her while pushing a button.

His smile was cruel this time and his eyes were laughing at her. Taunting her.

“And who’d believe you?”

The doors closed and Ava took a shaky breath in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT: Robin's "kidnapping" and the VIP surgery with our CT surgeons.


	10. No way to run, no place to hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Episode 4×18 "Tell Me The Truth" – getting away from canon, but keeping the main events intact.
> 
> The tensions are running high and Ava faces another backlash from the nurses and Connor as she steps into a surgery for a high profile patient that is interrupted by an alarming call regarding Robin. Ava's terrible day continues even that night as she comes home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry for posting so late but so many things in my life were happening!  
> But, I'm not giving up on this story until I finish it. So buckle up, it's gonna be a wild ride.
> 
> Also, screw canon, right? I'm trying to portray Ava as realistically as possible – as the surgeon I came to love (and who is not a crazy psychopath).  
> Sorry for mistakes – english is not my first language. Hope you enjoy!

“This is absolutely ridiculous!” Ava snapped but immediately tried to calm herself down, as she caught Beth’s eye.

Everyone from their surgical team was called in Dr. Latham’s office. Except Connor, who was needed in the VIP wing consulting someone. Ava couldn’t be more grateful for the fact, that Gwen chose him to operate on the high-profile patient, as he wouldn’t be here to witness yet another humiliation the nurses prepared for her.

Dr. Latham was looking between her and Beth with tired and a bit annoyed expression. Ava hoped that this wouldn’t cost her this job. Beth on the other hand looked awfully smug – a fact, that Ava loathed her for, as they were both very much aware of how Dr. Latham didn’t grasp emotions that well.

“As much as it is… concerning,” their boss stated carefully. “I don’t see it affecting anyone’s work or risking a patient’s life.”

Ava felt something loosen in her chest at those words. Beth narrowed her eyes and looked at Emily, another scrub nurse, that jumped in.

“I’m very sorry Dr. Latham, but I don’t feel comfortable working with someone who isn’t treating me respectfully like a colleague and a part of the team.”

“Mrs. Trent, I truly wish for you to not be uncomfortable in your workplace,” he answered and raised a hand to stop Beth who was obviously ready to intercept. “However – these complaints are only coming from the four of you. Everyone else, who works with Dr. Bekker never had a problem with her. I assure you, I am not taking this lightly, but I will not make a decision before gathering more information. As you all can hopefully agree – gossip should not be a leading source of information.”

Everyone nodded, albeit the nurses quite hesitantly. Dr. Latham sighed before continuing.

“But it would be for the best if we could release some tension – so, the OR staff would be rotating between surgeries,” he raised both of his hands, as the nurses angrily voiced their disagreement. “It would be temporary. That is my last word. Please go back to work everyone. Dr. Bekker, a word, if you don’t mind.”

Beth glanced at her disdainfully before leaving. The other nurses, although before coming here were only wary about Ava, were now leaving with cold and angry stares thrown the surgeon’s way. They might have not agreed with everything that’s been said but being cut off from their routine obviously made them side with Beth.

Ava barely suppressed an angry sigh and instead waited, until the door closed behind the last person. Dr. Latham looked at her straight and haven’t said anything. After a few long seconds, Ava nervously wringed her hands which made her superior talk.

“Dr. Bekker, this is starting to get out of hand, don’t you think?”

He sounded equally tired and frustrated. Ava only nodded in response which elicited a sigh from him.

“Well, until I get to the bottom of things, you and Dr. Rhodes will have to take some of the surgeries that I have scheduled. Starting today,” he raised a hand as Ava went to protest. “No arguments – this situation is not up for the debate. You will assist Dr. Rhodes with his operation of Mr. Montero.”

“Yes, Dr. Latham,” Ava voiced monotonously. “Is that all?”

His eyes looked more tired than before and Ava felt immediately bad.

“I’m on your side, Dr. Bekker. I promise you I will try my best to solve this quickly.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ava knew this was not gonna end well for her. But she at least hoped, it wouldn’t start catastrophically. That hope went right out of the window the second she went to scrub in and saw Beth inside the OR. They both gave each other a cold stare before Ava lowered her eyes to focus on cleaning her hands more furiously than necessary.

The door behind her opened and she braced herself knowing what would come. Again.

“What are you doing in here?”

He already sounded angry, so Ava didn’t even try to look up while answering.

“I’m scrubbing in on your surgery.”

“No, Dr. Latham is assisting,” he argued.

“He reconsidered,” Ava said and her eyes flicked over to him before continuing. “We had a staff meeting while you were consulting and Dr. Latham decided it would be best, if our surgical teams rotated on surgeries. He has to… take care of some things.”

He huffed.

“So just like that, he pulled out. Do you seriously think I’d believe that? What did you say to him?”

Ava stopped the water and turned to him.

“Really Connor?”

He didn’t budge, even though she raised her voice a bit.

“Why wasn’t I consulted?”

Ava narrowed her eyes before turning back to the sink.

“I don’t know – you were consulting, as I said, and after the meeting I went on with my rounds. Why Dr. Latham hadn’t reached out to you in the meantime is beyond my knowledge but don’t worry, it’s been made very clear to me that Mr. Montero is your patient. I am only here as your humble assistant,” she explained and turned to him again. “By the way, had my last HIV test – I’m clear.”

His expression softened a fraction, but his words were still biting.

“Glad to hear it.”

Ava thought about making another remark but decided against it.

“Yeah, that makes two of us,” she said before turning around and walking inside the OR.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

“Proximal anastomosis done. Working on the distal now.” Connor announced and the two residents moved a little bit closer to see better what the surgeon was doing.

“Temp’s climbing up. 33 degrees.” Marty informed everyone making Ava look up from the patient’s heart. She frowned and turned to Connor.

“We need to move faster.”

His eyes flashed to her and it was difficult to keep her ground when she saw the hateful glare from behind him on Beth’s face.

“Look, I realize that, but the graft is coming down unevenly. If I keep tugging, I can tear the aorta,” he informed, obviously annoyed with her.

“A suggestion?” Ava asked quietly and looked him in the eye.

Their eyes met. Connor was squinting at her a bit suspiciously but replied.

“What?”

“Try to pull on the non-coronary commissure,” Ava pointed out as she looked down before her eyes flickered to his once again. “I think that’ll move the graft into a proper position.”

“Okay.” Connor answered and carefully did as suggested. The graft moved slowly but eventually slid in place. He looked up. “That did it. Thank you.”

Ava nodded without a word and kept her head down. She suddenly wished that Dr. Latham would be here instead of her. Connor’s voice pulled her back to the present.

“Alright. Let’s finish the anastomosis.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ava couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was coming – not in the “apocalypse” kind of way, but in her honest opinion, she might take the apocalypse over this. The surgeon glanced over Connor’s shoulder at Beth, who had a suspiciously gleeful glint in her eyes.

“I may have distorted the graft with that last stitch. I’m doing this backhand. Do you have a better angle?” Connor asked her suddenly so she focused back on the patient in front of them.

Ava tilted the heart a bit before nodding.

“I think so.”

Connor nodded back and they silently exchanged surgical tools. Ava clipped the graft in place and lifted it so she could see better. It would be a tight fit, but it will work, she thought and absentmindedly looked up as she heard a phone ringing before looking back down as she noticed it was Connor’s.

“Dr. Rhodes’ phone.” Beth answered.

“Take a message.” Connor advised her while helping Ava move the graft and taking the suture kit in his hands. “Alright – last couple of stitches, then we’re coming off pump.”

“Do you have a better angle near the aorta? I’m not sure if the blood flow would be good if I stitched it on my side,” Ava frowned and lifted the graft again so Connor could see.

He moved in and nodded in agreement.

“Yep, you’re right. Can you put a clip in there?”

Ava wordlessly grabbed a clip and deftly placed it.

“Dr. Rhodes?” Beth interrupted them.

“I said take a message,” Connor said tightly while still focused on stitching on his side.

“Dr. Rhodes, he says it’s an emergency,” Beth insisted.

“Alright,” Connor sighed but motioned for her to come closer. Beth put the phone against his ear and the surgeon spoke with obvious displeasure in his voice. “Look. I’m in the middle of an operation.”

Ava moved the graft so her colleague could have more space for stitching, but Connor stilled his movements and laughed a bit confusedly.

“What? Is this some kind of joke?”

She looked up at the change of his tone and looked at him imploringly as his eyes widened a bit in panic. “How do I know that? …. Alright. Alright! Alright! What do you want me to do?”

“What is it?” Ava voiced out her worries and his eyes locked onto hers while he backed away from the table. “Connor?”

“Okay. Yeah. Okay.” Connor answered into the phone and she was getting more worried as the panic she saw in his eyes increased. He swiftly discarded his gloves and the mask with Beth’s help. Everyone was staring at him, not really knowing what to make of the situation and hoping for an explanation.

“Look. I won’t hang up, I promise.” Connor raised his voice and finally spoke to Ava. “I have to leave.”

“What?” her voice was upped an octave in disbelief. “What’s-“

“Finish the anastomosis,” Connor interrupted her urgently. “Check the capacity of the valve.”

“Connor, no!”

“You’ve done this before, you’ll be fine.”

“That’s not-“

“No. I’m not hanging up!” Connor turned back to his phone and practically sprinted out of the room. After the door closed again, everyone turned to Ava. She straightened up automatically and with as much authority as she could have mustered while being so confused addressed them.

“Alright we have a patient on the table. Let’s go back to work.”

She was confident in her abilities and therefore instinctively finished the surgery, but her mind was somewhere else. Something bad must have happened – there was no other explanation for Connor’s sudden departure. He would have never leaved an OR in the middle of an operation. Especially, as Ava bitterly thought, since he did not trust her.

These thoughts occupied her mind even as the patient’s chest was closed and he was wheeled off back to the ICU in the VIP wing. Ava washed herself up before determinedly walking to Dr. Latham’s office. She pulled her phone out on the way and hesitated a bit when she clicked on Connor’s contact but took a deep breath and called him. After few rings it went to voicemail.

“Hey Connor – is everything… okay? I know it’s probably not my business but… I’m worried. Call me back please. The surgery went alright, by the way… I– just call me. Please.”

Ava bit her lip and considered calling Jay, even though it was probably a shot in the dark, when she was stopped by the familiar voice of Mrs. Goodwin.

“Dr. Bekker.”

The surgeon turned around and felt her throat constrict at the displeased grimace on the older woman’s face. Nonetheless, she moved to her superior.

“You’ve finished the surgery, yes? Would you mind coming to my office for a second? Mrs. Garrett would like a word.”

“Of course,” Ava said but didn’t have the energy to even attempt a smile.

Mrs. Goodwin seemed to be on the same boat as she just wordlessly beckoned her to her office where Gwen was already pacing the floor. Ava bit her lip to avoid advising her that it may be better if she sat down considering her condition.

“Dr. Bekker, where the hell did Dr. Rhodes go?!” Gwen charged at her the second the surgeon walked through the door.

“I don’t know,” Ava answered truthfully. “But I’m sure it was an emergency-“

“Emergency?!” Gwen hissed. “What is an emergency is the state of our VIP wing. Mr. Montero is our first exclusive patient in months and Dr. Rhodes decides to leave him with his chest opened in the OR?”

“I was in there, Mrs. Garret – nothing would have happened to Mr. Montero,” Ava defended herself at the implications of her skills not being as good as Connor’s before continuing. “And while I have no idea what happened, that Connor had to leave, I don’t think that he would have left, if it wasn’t something serious.”

“I agree with Dr. Bekker,” Sharon spoke for the first time. “Dr. Rhodes is a professional-“

“That run out of a surgery?” Gwen interrupted her harshly before turning to Ava. “We are lucky that nothing that could compromise Mr. Montero’s health happened.”

Ava wisely decided not to speak and nodded which seemed to calm Gwen a bit as she walked to the door. She stopped though and turned to Sharon.

“You should be very thankful that Dr. Bekker stepped up, otherwise I would have not hesitated to persuade the Board to suspend Dr. Rhodes. Cornelius be damned.”

Just the mention of that name made Ava cringe a bit, but Sharon was too preoccupied to notice with watching Gwen as she forcefully slammed the door behind her. Ava cleared her throat.

“Mrs. Goodwin, I truly don’t think that Connor would just flee the operating room, if it wasn’t some sort of emergency. I tried calling him, but I couldn’t reach him-“

“I know, Dr. Bekker,” her superior interrupted her kinder than Gwen and offered her a small smile. “I spoke with Dr. Charles – apparently, Dr. Rhodes ran out of the elevator, marched to him while aggressively talking on a phone and wrote down that Robin was kidnapped and to call police.”

“What?!” Ava blurted out fearfully. “I thought she was swimming, like every week! Did they took her on her way there? Is she okay?!”

Sharon moved to Ava and placed her hands on Ava’s shoulders reassuringly.

“Robin’s just fine.”

Ava breathed out in relief and Mrs. Goodwin smiled at her bitterly.

“She was never in fact kidnapped. As you said, Robin was swimming and had her phone turned off in a locker room,” Sharon explained.

The younger woman frowned.

“So… it was a fraud…?”

“Unfortunately,” Sharon nodded with a sigh. “Dr. Charles got a hold of her and contacted PD – they are on their way back to the hospital with Dr. Rhodes. The person who called Dr. Rhodes to blackmail him lured him to the bank on the other side of Chicago.”

That was more than suspicious, Ava thought, but didn’t voice it.

“Do they know, who was the perpetrator?” she asked instead.

“No,” Sharon admitted. “But they’ll be looking into that. If you… believe you have any valuable information, you could tell them.”

Ava felt herself tense and crossed her arms a bit self-consciously.

“I don’t think I have,” she answered slowly with a neutral voice. “And I also don’t think they would appreciate any speculations I may have.”

With that, Sharon looked like she wanted to either apologize for what she was insinuating or explain further but Ava had enough of that.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Goodwin, but I have to go back and check on Mr. Montero and brief Connor about the operation when he gets here,” Ava said. “May I be excused?”

For a second, Sharon observed the young woman, which made her nervous, but she stood her ground.

“Of course, Dr. Bekker. I’ll see you around.”

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

The hallways were busy as always. It never mattered what time it was, there was always some sort of emergency and routines that had to be done every day. But Ava quite mastered navigating herself through the chaos of the hospital.

Which is why she always appreciated the quiet and less crowded VIP floor she sometimes got to walk through. Right now, she would rather be anywhere else but here. Considering she wasn’t able to catch up with Connor, as he was immediately swept up by Gwen Garrett.

She steeled herself as she rounded the corner to Mr. Montero’s room and breathed out a sigh of relief as she realized that there were only the nurses tending to VIP patients. She smiled their way as they greeted her and knocked on the open door of her patient’s room.

Mr. Montero looked up and weakly motioned for her to come inside.

“Everything looks stable, Dr. Bekker – vitals are holding,” informed her the nurse with a quick check of the monitor next to the hospital bed.

“Thank you… Rosie,” Ava answered with another small smile as she read the woman’s name tag.

“Of course,” the young nurse beamed at her and left the room.

Ava took the few stops to the bed and opened up her tablet before turning to her patient who was sleepily watching her, half sitting and with a little grimace on his face.

“Hello, Mr. Montero – I am Dr. Ava Bekker, I assisted on your surgery. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to check in with you before the surgery,” she introduced herself. “Are you in pain? I can kick up the morphine for you a bit if you’d like.”

He nodded heavily and gave her a grateful look as she amped the morphine drip. Before he could answer her, someone knocked on the door again and as Ava looked over her shoulder, she saw Gwen coming inside. Behind her, Connor and Mrs. Goodwin were standing outside the room which didn’t really make sense to Ava, but she decided not to ask Gwen about it in front of the patient.

“Good to see you awake, Mr. Montero. I am very sorry for the inconvenience that happened in our OR during your surgery – I know you asked for Dr. Rhodes to perform your surgery, but due to a… another medical emergency we had to change the plans a bit. Fortunately, Dr. Bekker was able to take over for Dr. Rhodes when he became incapacitated,” Gwen lied without even a slight falter to her voice and casted a dark glare, unseen by Mr. Montero, towards Connor before turning to Ava. “She is a brilliant surgeon and she’s proven herself a worthy successor to Dr. Downey.”

Mr. Montero turned his head fully towards Ava and the surgeon could see that the painful grimace vanished as the morphine clearly worked its way through the patient’s body. His hand slowly rose, and Ava took it, so he didn’t have to strain himself so much.

“Thank you.” Mr. Montero said sincerely with a warm smile to her that Ava mirrored.

“You’re most welcome,” she answered and squeezed his hand carefully before bringing it back down on the quilt covering him.

She saw in the corner of her eye that Gwen left the room and made a move to follow her, but Mr. Montero squeezed her hand once again, so she turned back to him.

“Everything okay?” she asked a bit worried and glanced at the monitors.

The patient nodded still smiling.

“Absolutely. I only wish to apologize for not asking you to perform the surgery in the first place,” he said and squeezed her hand as she opened her mouth to reassure him. “And I am not saying only because you took over the surgery and got me through it. I’ve read both of your resumés… Unfortunately, I’ve been advised against choosing…”

He hesitated, clearly mulling over how to say what he meant without insulting her, but Ava only smiled.

“A female doctor?” she filled in and chuckled at his apologetic grimace. “I understand. Hopefully, we can overcome this stigma in the future.”

“Oh, you can count me in on that,” Mr. Montero laughed warmly before letting her hand go.

“I will check up on you tomorrow, is that okay?”

“I’ll be very happily waiting for you, Dr. Bekker.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” she answered with another laugh before turning of her tablet. “Get some rest, Mr. Montero. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you. Have a nice evening, Dr. Bekker.”

She smiled in response and walked out of the room. Obviously, she missed the departure of everyone else, as the hallway was vacated once again besides the nurses there. She made her way to their little station.

“Evening. Would you mind paging me if anything changes with Mr. Montero? I’ll come back tomorrow to check on him, but just to be sure,” she asked them.

“Of course, Dr. Bekker.”

“Thank you,” she said with a smile. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

With that she walked to the elevator and pushed the number to CT floor before grabbing her phone again. There were a few messages, but nothing from Connor. She didn’t really know what to think of it, as she made her way through the familiar CT floor and headed to the locker rooms.

Her musing had been answered the second she walked inside, and Connor turned to her from his locker. Ava closed the door behind her and clutched her phone a little tighter as she stepped closer.

“Hey.”

She had so many things she wanted to say and ask him, but it was like something held her back and squeezed her throat so no words could come out.

“Hey.”

The fact that she wasn’t able to discern whether or not he was mad was daunting. So, she opened her locker and put her stethoscope on the peg there.

“Thank you for stepping in,” Connor said quietly, and Ava turned back to him, still clutching her clothes.

“Of course,” she answered with equally quiet voice. “I heard what happened. I’d probably run out of the OR as well.”

The corners of his mouth lifted up a bit and Ava felt like she could breathe a little. That didn’t mean she let her guard down, even though he sat down and wearily run his palm over his face.

“Yeah. But Robin’s alright, that’s all that matters.”

Ava nodded and surprisingly didn’t feel the pang in her heart she got so familiar with when it came to Connor.

“I agree. She was swimming, right?” she spoke with a bit more confidence as she walked to the closet in the room to get changed.

“Yeah.”

She heard his response through the wall and swiftly changed out of her scrubs and into the less comfy jeans and top before leaving. Ava averted her eyes as Connor put on his own shirt and pulled out a bag out of her locker to deposit her clothes.

It was definitely time to wash them again – from the sweat, a bit of blood and occasional vomit or other bodily fluid that got onto her during the shift. She dropped the bag on the floor and pulled her sweatshirt over her head before grabbing the coat and slipping into her heeled winter boots.

“Listen, Ava…”

She froze for a second before turning around to him. Her eyes softened a bit as she took in his unbelievably tired expression. Before she could stop herself, she took a step closer to him and hesitated again, which apparently prompted him to keep talking.

“I’m really thankful you took over. I… also realized how unfair I was in the scrub room,” he said and ran a hand through his beard.

Ava nodded and averted her eyes as she leaned down to grab her bag as an excuse to not having to look at him.

“You spoke with Dr. Latham,” she concluded from the apologetic tone of his voice.

If she wasn’t as exhausted from the hospital gossip, she would be bitter, but it seemed absolutely useless – it never helped in the past, anyway.

“Yeah,” he admitted quietly, and Ava looked him in the eye again. “I didn’t know the nurses took things so… seriously.”

Ava couldn’t help herself and scoffed before turning around to grab her keys from the locker.

“I know, I should’ve paid more attention-“

She slammed the locker door, cutting him off mid-sentence and turned to him.

“Connor, please,” she sighed before continuing more evenly. “I’m glad you’ve caught up. But let’s not do this today, okay?”

He looked like he might argue before nodding.

“Thank you,” Ava managed to whisper before turning around. “Goodnight, Connor.”

“Night, Ava.”

As she closed the door behind herself, she felt lighter. Walking through the CT floor didn’t seem like a purgatory for that night.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

_From Matt: I’m so disappointed in myself. Couldn’t even bring myself to cook anything._

Ava smiled at her phone before answering.

_To Matt: I’m just walking inside my apartment block and the only thing I wanna do is take a long shower, so – no judgment here._

_From Matt: Long shift?_

_To Matt: That and I got puked on in the morning. Oh, the joys of being a doctor._

_From Matt: Sorry to hear that. I only had to wash out the smoke._

She put her phone down as she got to the door and quietly unlocked it. The door unfortunately creaked loudly, and Ava cursed under her breath as she closed it. The hall surprisingly stayed quiet as she made her way to the second floor and her apartment.

Taking the last step on the stairs she automatically reached to the switch on her left and blinked twice as the light harshly came on. Suppressing a yawn with her hand, she crossed the hall to the end and pulled out the key to her apartment when she suddenly froze.

Right in front of her door was a bottle of and obviously expensive wine and a fancy little gift bag. Ava gripped her keys firmer before taking a slow step forward and bending down to grab the piece of paper that was laid on the gift bag.

Her hand was shaking as she stood up and opened the note.

_Congratulations on your success. Love to see the fiery spirit shine._

It took a lot not to crumble the piece of paper, but she managed and tossed it into the gift bag where she could see was the lilac perfume case. On autopilot she opened the door, dopped her bag in the hallway and quickly went to a little storage room there.

There she grabbed a bag and went back outside where she took the bottle and the giftbag and placed it inside the bag. She hesitated for a second, looking back inside her apartment, before making up her mind, slamming the door and marching back outside.

She wasn’t paying much attention to anything as she walked to the station, caught a train and then walked a few blocks to the police station. Her steps faltered a bit, but she still walked up the stairs and stepped inside.

Even though it was late, the department was still full of people, just like it was in the hospital. This time though, that kind of thought didn’t make Ava feel better or calmer. She must have looked lost as someone addresses her after a few minutes.

“How can I help you?”

Ava flinched imperceptibly and took a wavering step towards the main desk. The officer behind it looked at her with increasing worry. He must’ve been watching her for a while. Ava felt her heart wildly beating in her chest but couldn’t form the words.

“I’ll take over, officer Reyes. Dr. Bekker, would you mind following me?” interjected firmly sergeant Platt, who seemed to materialize from thin air.

The officer nodded and looked away from Ava to the man that was apparently standing behind her and waiting for his turn and who impatiently walked over to the main desk and threw an annoyed glance at Ava’s direction as he passed her. The doctor didn’t care, and a bit numbly followed Platt into one of the backrooms, where she was directed into one of the chairs.

“What can I do for you, Dr. Bekker?” Even though the sergeant’s face looked impassive, her voice was softer as well as her eyes.

“I…,” Ava breathed out quietly before taking a deep breath and looking up determinately. “I want to file a report for an attempted sexual assault.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, it means the world to me. Leave a comment if you'd like. See you soon!

**Author's Note:**

> I think the whole plot for Ava/Connor had so many holes in it, it sure did looked like a swiss cheese. Ava's character had so much potential and they wasted it and throw her out like a garbage. But that's why fanfiction exists!
> 
> Please comment and share your opinion!


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